tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56334890125698124442024-03-13T06:12:55.083-07:00Dave's Deep DishDavid Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.comBlogger63125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-74377250549368846852014-10-17T08:25:00.000-07:002014-10-17T08:25:06.186-07:00Diary of a Jets Loss & Week 7 NFL Picks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Welcome to Thursday Night Football. Come for the sloppy play and stay for the lopsided score! Tonight, the 1-5 Jets, with their worst team since about 1995, head into New England to face a Patriots team on its last legs. </span><a href="http://www.cbssports.com/nfl/eye-on-football/24755091/jets-produce-hype-video-for-rivalry-game-vs-patriots-spell-rivalry-wrong" style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Embrace the Rivarly!?!</a></div>
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Most of the Thursday night games have been dreadful this year and the trend may continue tonight. Why not give these guys one more day and move these to Friday? Like we're not going to watch? My prediction: Pats 30 Jets 20 (which is a push btw). </div>
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Here are some things I’m looking forward to tonight</div>
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1)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2686" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Geno’s first poor throw that elicits an audible sigh of disgust from Jim Nantz and an "aw shucks" from Phil Simms.</div>
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2)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2688" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>How many times they refer to Rex Ryan being on the “hot seat” while not mentioning the Jets GMs who put this monstrosity together. </div>
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3)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2690" id="yiv7003918118yui_3_16_0_1_1413497827977_3245" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>A Nick Folk field goal attempt (he usually makes them!)</div>
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4) Belichick looking grumpy. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A picture of betrayal. </td></tr>
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And some things I’m not looking forward to:</div>
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1)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2696" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Darrelle Revis in a Pats uniform. So many levels of wrong.</div>
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2)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2698" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Gronkowski doing his bro' stuff against any Jets’ defender</div>
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3)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2700" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>Any receiver against the Jets’ secondary.</div>
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4)<span class="yiv7003918118 yui_3_16_0_1_1413511209705_2702" id="yiv7003918118yui_3_16_0_1_1413497827977_3243" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; font-size: 7pt;"> </span>The inevitable shot of Buttfumble and of Mo Lewis crushing Drew Bledsoe, which is great until they cut to a shot of Tom Brady. </div>
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<b>1st Quarter: </b></div>
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15:00: I like the body language from the Jets tonight. They have a look that says, "hey, we're not losing 31-0 tonight, because we know a lot of their plays!" </div>
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13:40: 7-0 Patriots. What was I just saying? Tom Brady hits Shane Vereen for a long score. Full disclosure, Brady is on my fantasy team and I'm playing him tonight. I have no regrets, but that was awkward for me. </div>
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6:33: After a rather exhausting 13 play drive, the Jets kick a field goal. The Jets offense is a field goal kicker's dream. If Folk ever misses a kick it will really force them to question themselves and everything they believe in. </div>
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1:16: Chris Johnson runs for a 1 yard gain. It might be his longest run of the game, so wanted to give him his props. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I am Legend." </td></tr>
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0:24: Another Nick Folk field goal after an 11 play drive. You can't contain Nick Folk, people! Every 2014 Jets drive resembles the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Battle_of_Verdun">Battle of Verdun</a>. Lots of struggling in the trenches, pain, suffering, regret, delirium... and everyone wonders why it couldn't have ended sooner. </div>
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<b>2nd Quarter </b></div>
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5:37: Shane Vereen scoots past the artist formerly known as David Harris. Harris gets chop blocked by a teammate to add a little injury to the insult. </div>
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4:22: TD pass to Vereen. I can't lie, I'm glad it wasn't a rushing TD. The Patriots take the lead and prove once and for all that 2 touchdowns are better than 3 FGs. I remain skeptical of this "new math." Patriots 14 Jets 9. </div>
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4:14: Someone named Walter Powell returns the kick 60 yards. I don't know who you are buddy, but you're hired! I don't even care that you didn't touch the <a href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=penske+file">Penske file</a>! </div>
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4:07: Geno spikes a short range pass into Eric Decker's head while he's not looking. There's the Jets offense I know. </div>
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1:30: Chris Ivory runs for 10 up the middle and then another 8. He's so much better than Chris Johnson it's ridiculous. 2nd and goal....get ready, field goal unit! </div>
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1:04: You're never going to guess what happened. The Nick Folk fan club (called Folk's Folks) grows even bigger to 9 people. Pats 14 Jets 12. Just enough time for Brady to get another 7, nice clock management, fellas! </div>
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0:00: They only get 3 points. Victory! Pats 17 Jets 12 at the half. </div>
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Halftime: Deion Sanders says Geno Smith is being too cautious with the football. I'll give an Amen to that statement. </div>
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Oh no, a Philips Rivers interview. He's wearing a Charger hat and sweatshirt just in case <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I urge you to Google "Philip Rivers complaining."<br />
Enjoy the ride. </td></tr>
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you didn't recognize him by his annoying face. Rivers proceeds to complain about having a hard time hearing James Brown and Bill Cower. The guy just loves to complain! </div>
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<a href="http://screengrabber.deadspin.com/theyll-love-tom-brady-in-la-liga-1647436554">Hey, let's watch Tom Brady act like a soccer player!</a> </div>
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<b>3rd Quarter: </b></div>
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12:00: The Jets come out with 7 straight running plays like it's 1931. It's followed by a pass to Decker for a 1st Down. The groundwork for the next field goal has been laid. </div>
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8:58: Chris Ivory over the top for something called a "TD"! His dreadlocks flew quite majestically on that one. Wait, you're allowed to score 6 points at once and then get another 1 via an extra point? Such wizardry! </div>
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5:40: After a BS holding call, Julian Edelman runs for a 1st down and does his best <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=csbgSBiXOgU">Nat Moore helicopter impression</a>. This is followed by a slow-motion shot of Rex complaining and jiggling his body parts. That was gratuitous, but not as bad as it would have looked a few years ago.</div>
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3:45: Gostkowski sneaks one through the uprights. Pats 20 Jets 19. </div>
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1:37: Ryan Quigley punts for the first time. I'm not sure if he's from "down under", but I'm going to assume so because it's better that way. When you punt for the first time late in the 3rd quarter and you're still losing, you're doing football wrong. </div>
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1:00: Antonio "Pop Tart" Allen broke up a pass on 3rd down. I had to rewind 4 times to make sure it happened. </div>
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<b>4th Quarter</b></div>
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14:00: Geno does that thing where he runs backwards really fast for 15 yards and gets tackled. Ho-hum. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.concordmonitor.com/csp/mediapool/sites/dt.common.streams.StreamServer.cls?STREAMOID=Q3Bz6ml4pPTnSuaRbhQey8$daE2N3K4ZzOUsqbU5sYu9$eCBZGDNx6QQzxrvgjBkWCsjLu883Ygn4B49Lvm9bPe2QeMKQdVeZmXF$9l$4uCZ8QDXhaHEp3rvzXRJFdy0KqPHLoMevcTLo3h8xh70Y6N_U_CryOsw6FTOdKL_jpQ-&CONTENTTYPE=image/jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.concordmonitor.com/csp/mediapool/sites/dt.common.streams.StreamServer.cls?STREAMOID=Q3Bz6ml4pPTnSuaRbhQey8$daE2N3K4ZzOUsqbU5sYu9$eCBZGDNx6QQzxrvgjBkWCsjLu883Ygn4B49Lvm9bPe2QeMKQdVeZmXF$9l$4uCZ8QDXhaHEp3rvzXRJFdy0KqPHLoMevcTLo3h8xh70Y6N_U_CryOsw6FTOdKL_jpQ-&CONTENTTYPE=image/jpeg" height="320" width="298" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You look great, man." "No, you look great. So puffy" </td></tr>
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11:45: The Pats D coordinator looks a cereal killer. Like, he would just destroy a box of Count Chocula. </div>
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11:40: A Mike Vick sighting. He enters the game after Geno gets bent sideways. Vick runs for 5 yards, dives forward all willy nilly and almost gets hurt. Vintage Vick. </div>
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10:58: Damn you, Revis!! He breaks up a pass on 3rd down. It's the kind of play that wins games. It's followed by a terrible Quigley punt. You're on the next slow boat to Perth, Quigs! </div>
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7:49: Brady rips the Jets' heart out with a TD pass on 3rd on 19 as Antonio Allen gets toasted again. I'd like to say that wasn't completely predictable. I really would. Pats 27- Jets 19. </div>
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7:37: On a gadget play, Geno pitches to Mike Vick and hilarity ensues. Vick gets absolutely crushed. The Pats commit a penalty, but that was embarrassing. Geno then realizes he has as WR not named Decker and finds Kerley for 16. Geno competes and has heart, you gotta give him that. </div>
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5:40: Geno scrambles for a 1st down. I guarantee most Jets' fans are already preparing for this scenario: Jets will score a TD and then miss the tying 2-pt conversion. It's in our DNA. I swear I'm saying this live in case it comes true later. </div>
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2:31: TD to Cumberland! He celebrates with a little bird dance that my 4-year-old noticed and just imitated precisely. That was fun. But, I'm preparing for the inevitable 2 pt fail. The Jets' last 2 pt conversion was 2010. That says it all. Do they even have a play for this? It might involve a fade to Nick Folk. They'd never expect it! </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EABuPIKLAtM/TOhsAqr9NSI/AAAAAAAADis/6U9TeyBIhlU/s1600/Shakes%2B5.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_EABuPIKLAtM/TOhsAqr9NSI/AAAAAAAADis/6U9TeyBIhlU/s1600/Shakes%2B5.JPG" height="110" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's the Jets' rookie tight end!</td></tr>
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2:31: Ugh. A low percentage lob to a tight end with hands like Shakes the Clown surprisingly doesn't work. Four years and counting since that last 2 pt. conversion. Time for a drink! </div>
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2:26: A very good onside kick from Folk fails as Jets players look around disinterested. </div>
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1:06: Jets get it back around their 10 yard line. </div>
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0:30: Two middle screens gain some yards and waste precious time. Really would be nice to have those 2 timeouts they burned. </div>
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0:08: Jets matriculate to the 40 yard line for a 58-yard fg attempt. They clearly think Nick Folk can walk on water at this point. </div>
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0:00: Nick Folk is human. Kick blocked. Pats 27 Jets 25. </div>
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It was a valiant effort by the Jets tonight. This is a team that's just good enough to lose in painful fashion every other week. I've seen worse. </div>
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<b>Week 7 picks: </b></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Colts -3.5 over the Bengals </span></div>
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Redskins -5.5 over Titans </div>
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Bears -3.5 over Dolphins </div>
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Panthers +7 over Packers</div>
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Falcons +7 over Ravens </div>
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Jags +6 over Browns </div>
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Seahawks -7.5 over Rams </div>
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Vikings +6 over Bills </div>
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Saints +3 over Lions </div>
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Cowboys -6.5 over Giants </div>
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Chargers -4 over Chiefs </div>
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Cards +4 over Raiders</div>
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Niners +7 over Broncos</div>
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Steelers -3.5 over Texans </div>
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We end with an underrated song by an underrated dude named Hudson Bell. Things start to get good at the 1 minute mark. Enjoy the games! </div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-42838196554965290782014-09-26T07:45:00.000-07:002014-09-26T07:45:15.368-07:00Week 4 NFL Picks & the Fall Television Preview! <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/scott-bakula-ncis-new-orleans-lead.jpg?w=600" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://pmchollywoodlife.files.wordpress.com/2014/02/scott-bakula-ncis-new-orleans-lead.jpg?w=600" height="320" width="219" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Oh, he's Baaaak-ula</td></tr>
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This week we’ll take a break from over-analyzing each NFL game and take a look at the new Fall television season. Like most years, it promises to be both excellent and awful. But, this year will feature more Scott Bakula and that's a win for everyone. And, there are so many new shows with intriguing titles like “Stalker” and “How to Get Away With Murder.” What could those be about I wonder? There’s no way to tell! If you’d like to skip the fun, scroll to the bottom of this post for my sure-fire NFL winners.</div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/35d728afcc216b7d4e16c1d26416b6fd94aae0ec/c=332-37-5714-4080&r=x404&c=534x401/local/-/media/USATODAY/GenericImages/2014/03/13//1394732018000-104645-D3481b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/35d728afcc216b7d4e16c1d26416b6fd94aae0ec/c=332-37-5714-4080&r=x404&c=534x401/local/-/media/USATODAY/GenericImages/2014/03/13//1394732018000-104645-D3481b.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"This is the best staring bridge in New Orleans." And....scene.</td></tr>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">NCIS: New Orleans</b><br />
That same hot Navy action that's enthralled the elderly set for years heads to the deep south. Prepare yourselves for a lot of sweat-stained uniforms and Bourbon Street hijinks. I’ve never watched any of the NCISs (not easy to say that without lisping), and I probably won’t start now. But still, it is New Orleans. I’m listening! What if there’s a sing-a-long at Pat O’Brien’s Piano Bar? I won’t want to miss that. What if there’s a character named Big Daddy, lots of Cajun accents, some sloe gin and bumper shots of the bayou and crocs? Things could really go somewhere. This show could probably use itself some David Caruso, but then again, so could they all. Projected TV lifespan: 40 episodes. </div>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">Mulaney</b></div>
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Did you ever notice that comedians get their own shows? I mean what is the deal! Let’s hope this goes the Seinfeld or Louis CK route rather than literally every other single comedian that ever had a show route. Mulaney is actually funny though, as is Nasim Pedrad, so I may give this one a shot. However, in the clip I saw, Mulaney appears to dim the lights and do standup in the middle of his show, which would really be strange. Are the other characters frozen in time? I don’t abide a breaking of the third wall unless it’s done by Tom Selleck at the end of a Magnum episode in a freeze frame. Projected TV lifespan: 1 season. </div>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">The McCarthys</b></div>
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This is apparently about a “loud-mouthed, sports-crazed Boston family that...” I’m gonna stop you right there. Projected TV lifespan: 1.5 episodes, will be yanked in the middle of episode 3. </div>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">Jane the Virgin</b><br />
A girl is mistakenly artificially inseminated and is pregnant despite being a virgin. This is what happens when your gynecologist is <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ch-SgOfQTMY&list=PL322B19F34666C492&index=2">Dr. Spaceman</a>. If we had a nickel for every time this premise was proposed to Hollywood, we’d all have to share that nickel. Projected TV lifespan: 9 months. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs37/f/2008/262/c/f/Bigger_Gotham_City__by_superglamorous.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://fc04.deviantart.net/fs37/f/2008/262/c/f/Bigger_Gotham_City__by_superglamorous.png" height="200" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Gotham boasts 2 hours of sunlight everyday.</td></tr>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">Gotham</b></div>
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Finally, something comic-book related! It’s about time, Hollywood. I’ve got this one all Tivoed up, but am already skeptical. Can a kid from the wrong side of the tracks in Chino really be the district attorney? Doubtful. I wish they didn’t call the city Gotham. I’m really tired of that place, it looks more depressing than Seattle and it’s been destroyed like 80 times over. I bet the rents are good, but does it even have one park? How about a 24-Hour fitness? A Chipotle? Would it kill somebody to open a curtain and let some light in? Projected TV lifespan: 6 seasons and a movie. </div>
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<b class="yiv1879480038" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1411702678577_2873">Marry Me</b></div>
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Despite a horrendous title and premise (2 people can’t get their marriage proposal right), I’m probably on board because Ken Marino is hilarious and Casey Wilson was in “Happy Endings,” which is the best comedy of the last 5 years easily. Projected TV lifespan: 13 episodes, then canceled, then picked up by Netflix, which will add adult language and graphic violence to boost ratings. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pics.filmaffinity.com/Stalker_TV_Series-866216042-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://pics.filmaffinity.com/Stalker_TV_Series-866216042-large.jpg" height="320" width="210" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Prepare to fall in love, America.</td></tr>
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<b class="yiv1879480038">Stalker</b></div>
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Clearly, another show for the ladies. What girl doesn’t like to curl up by the fire all by herself and imagine some creepy dude is outside staring at them? Endless fun! But, it does have Dylan McDermott being intense, so all hope is not lost. Also, why must the hoodie continue to be maligned as a wardrobe choice? Let's hope no cops watch this show. Projected TV lifespan: Only the stalker knows. </div>
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<b class="yiv1879480038" id="yui_3_16_0_1_1411702678577_2872">Selfie</b></div>
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This sitcom is so “now” and so meta that it will make you want to run screaming into oncoming traffic while texting. "Selfie" will combine everything you hate about Facebook and the Internet into a 30-minute infomercial about branding. Get the popcorn ready! TV lifespan: 9 episodes. </div>
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<b>The Mysteries of Laura</b></div>
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The only mystery here is dear God, why? <a href="http://www.businessinsider.com/the-mysteries-of-laura-reviews-bad-2014-9">Critics have lambasted</a> this hot mess-ing (Zing!) already.In episode one of this trainwreck, Deborah Messing drugs her kids via the ol' Robitussin method. Even Adrian Peterson is like, "that's not cool." Nah, he's a jerk, he's probably okay with it. TV lifespan: /Checks watch...and...it just got canceled. </div>
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<b>WEEK 4 NFL PICKS </b></div>
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In a week of fairly uninteresting matchups, we do get Teddy Bridgewater's first start and a probable shootout between New Orleans and Dallas. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Peyton should use the bye week to get that elbow checked.</td></tr>
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It's annoying that 6 teams already have byes after 3 weeks. Every year this happens. Who works for 3 weeks and gets a vacation? What is this, Congress? </div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">I also look forward to Mike Vick's next telegraphed 1-yard option run at a weirdly inopportune time that grinds a Jets' drive to a screeching halt. C'mon, it's Geno's job to do that! </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Also good news, no more round-the-clock Jeter talk after Sunday. Just 3 more days to get through, everyone! Enjoy the games! </span></div>
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Atlanta -3 over Minnesota</div>
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Colts -8 over Tennessee </div>
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Bills +3 over Houston </div>
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Detroit -2.5 over Jets </div>
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Bears +2 over Green Bay </div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Ravens -3.5 over Carolina </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Eagles +4.5 over San Fran </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">New Orleans -3 over Dallas </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Chiefs +3.5 over New England </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Steelers -7.5 over Tampa Bay </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Jags +13.5 over Chargers </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Raiders +3.5 over Dolphins </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Last week's record: 10-5</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 16.3636360168457px;">Overall record: 15-13 </span></div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-74130700081014826252014-09-19T12:34:00.000-07:002014-09-19T16:18:02.369-07:00Week 3 NFL Picks! Welcome to Suspensionville<div>
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Yes, welcome to the bucolic town of Suspensionville: where running backs go to get away from life's little whoopsies. Take a leisurely stroll down O.J. Simpson Boulevard and don't forget to check out the posh Jim Brown Hotel, where <a href="http://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/stiff-arming-history/Content?oid=2855205">all the balconies can be used as exits</a>. </div>
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Have to give it to the NFL though, they've unveiled a new motto this week that's sure to appease the masses: "THE NFL...where you can hit anyone until the game actually starts. Then we throw flags." It may need some work. On to the picks! </div>
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<b>Dallas -1.5 at St. Louis</b> </div>
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Hey, the Cowboys are back on pace for an 8-8 season. The universe is at peace once again. The Rams should really just go back to L.A. at this point. They can all take the bus out here and then emerge from it on Sunset Blvd. like Missouri farm girls with stars in their eyes. You know, just like that <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AelpbAegA-4">Poison song</a>. Cowboys 26 Rams 20 </div>
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<b>Baltimore -1.5 at Cleveland </b><br />
The clamoring for Johnny Football has begun, and I applaud it. A lot of people take pleasure in watching Heisman winners fail in the NFL. I usually don't, but this time I'll make an exception. </div>
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Ravens 17 Browns 14 </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">See Jets? Jordy Nelson can be covered! Take notes! </td></tr>
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<b>Green Bay +2.5 at Detroit </b></div>
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Late memo to Rex Ryan: You may want to put a couple guys on this Jordy Nelson fellow. He likes to catch the "football" on a play called "every pass play" and then he run fast towards a place that gives you 6 points known as the "end zone." Lions 38 Packers 34. </div>
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<b>New Orleans -10 vs. Minnesota</b></div>
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Time for the Pet Peeve of the Week! This week, it's the guy behind me at a concert shouting like a schoolgirl watching One Direction. Chill out, man! I went to see a show last night and this asshat behind me is screaming in my ear after every song, "WOOOHOO! YEAH! HELL YEAH!" First of all buddy, you're not at a Metallica concert, it's freaking Neutral Milk Hotel. Secondly, we're nine miles from the stage, no one can hear you except the people in your section. By the way, if you've never heard a <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W6H8WcTPnWM">7-minute theremin solo</a> or seen a guy perform "air theremin" along with it, you haven't really lived. Saints 31 Vikings 13 </div>
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<b>Houston -2 at New York</b></div>
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When you are giving points to Ryan Fitzpatrick at home something has gone horribly, horribly wrong. Victor Cruz needs a more depressing TD dance for these sorry Giants. No more salsa, perhaps a sad little ballet move from "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JI7AsZGnyi4">Swan Lake</a>." Giants 19 Texans 17 </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Nothing unusual going on here. Every office does this!</td></tr>
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<b>New England -14.5 over Oakland </b><br />
Woah, that's a spicy meatball of a point spread right there. Not sure Brady is wearing enough Ascot to cover this one. Patriots 31 Raiders 20. </div>
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<b>Tennessee +7 at Cincinnati </b><br />
Everyone is hopping aboard the Ginger train this year as the Bengals look formidable. It will all end in round 1 playoffs when Dalton throws 9 picks in the first quarter, but let's enjoy the ride for now. See you in the dining car for pinochle! </div>
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Bengals 27 Titans 10 </div>
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<b>Bills -2.5 vs. Chargers</b><br />
Quality win for the Chargers over Seattle last week, and the Bills are somehow 2-0. This is what's known as a "stay-away" game. This game should have a restraining order on it. Still, why not believe in the Bills for one more week and enjoy rooting against Rivers. Bills 24 Chargers 21. </div>
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<b>Dolphins -4 vs. Chiefs </b></div>
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This one seems too easy, the Chiefs had a cake schedule last year and are just not good without a healthy Jamaal Charles. Dolphins 24 Chiefs 14 </div>
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<b>Broncos +4.5 at Seahawks </b></div>
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Hey, look, a Superbowl rematch! Will Peyton suffer 'Nam like flashbacks in this one? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1oTvAnOrdKQ">"Peyton, you're flying too low over Macho Grande! Pull up, Pull up! You'll have to decide...ahh"</a> You're not fooling me again, Broncos. Seahawks 28 Broncos 20 </div>
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<b>Washington +6 at Eagles</b></div>
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So the Eagles now have McCoy plus a rejuvenated Darren Sproles. It's kind of not fair, but you have to remember they also have Mark Sanchez on the bench. It'll even out at some point. </div>
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Eagles 28 Redskins 27 </div>
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<b>Bears +2.5 at Jets</b><br />
Crushing loss for the Jets last week as "the Timeout game" takes its place in Jets' lore next to the "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vuvz15OjCVc">Buttfumble</a>," "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZfzr9tB4oo">Marino's fake spike</a>" and "<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO_vBN2oMak">Gastineau's Folly</a>". Ahh, so much tradition. Still, it's not easy to win two night games in a row on the road. That's how I convince myself to foolishly take the Jets here. By the way, I'm sure steroids were not involved at all in this Gastineau <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jH1k8iJ_DbQ">sack dance</a>. </div>
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Jets 24 Bears 23 </div>
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<b>49ers -3 at Arizona </b></div>
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The fun stops here for Arizona I'm afraid. It would be nice if Colin Kaepernick realizes the 2nd half of the game counts as much as the 1st half. Niners 27 Cards 20.</div>
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<b>Colts -7 at Jags</b> </div>
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It took what felt like years, but the Colts may finally realize Trent Richardson has the speed, body <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"2.2 yards, here I come!"<br />
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control and alacrity of a newborn baby. He may as well take his hand-offs in <a href="https://www.google.com/search?q=baby+toy+seat&safe=active&espv=2&biw=1517&bih=714&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=74EcVM3FMsjhoATR0IHICw&ved=0CAcQ_AUoAg&dpr=0.9#facrc=_&imgdii=_&imgrc=5ZNRiPCjvun7UM%253A%3BEeZFQeTtfSnMYM%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fc487397.r97.cf2.rackcdn.com%252Fwp-content%252Fuploads%252F2011%252F08%252FAkronOhioMoms.com-Baby-Loves-SuperSeat-Floortime-Activity-Toys.jpg%3Bhttp%253A%252F%252Fwww.akronohiomoms.com%252Freviews-and-shopping%252Fbaby-gear%252Fsummer-infant-superseat-for-a-super-baby-review-and-giveaway-49-99-value%252F%3B580%3B458">one of these</a>. It would be cute. Colts 30 Jags 24<br />
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<b>Pitt +3.5 at Carolina</b><br />
Not an intriguing Sunday night game at all. So how about the new fall television season? I'm very intrigued by <a href="http://www.nbc.com/bad-judge">Bad Judge</a>. I wonder what it's about! Here's the trailer: "In a world where women can be judges...they can also be... bad. She upholds the law by day and breaks them at night. She's a judge, AND she's bad. She is....the BAD JUDGE. Thursday's at 9 on NBC!" You've got me, I'm in.<br />Carolina 24 Pitt 16 <br /></div>
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Last week's record: 6-8 (Pacing myself, it's a long season.) </div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-40838182383508650732014-09-11T16:50:00.001-07:002014-09-11T18:47:53.063-07:00NFL Week 2 Picks! Chicken Dinners for Everyone! I'm sorry, I hit the snooze button, where am I? What year is this? Who killed Laura Palmer??? <br />
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And...we're back. Of course, it's week 2, everyone's favorite NFL gambling week! We now know everything there is to know and can make our wagers with TOTAL CONFIDENCE before Las Vegas properly adjusts the lines. Or something.<br />
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Follow me to the huge pile of cash at the end of this column, won't you? No, you first, I insist.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The rarely seen double point! Now, two guys don't<br />
know what to do. </td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Arizona -2.5 at
Giants </span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Giants offense looks like 11 guys who just stumbled out
of a frat house on a Sunday morning after a 9-day bender. And so much pointing!
Everyone pointing every which way and running around in circles like their hair
was on fire. They are the student that freaks out during the SATs and just runs
out of the room screaming. It’s entertaining, but I can’t take them seriously.
Cards 24 Giants 18.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">New England -3.5 at
Minnesota </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The last place Patriots (that’s fun to write!) stumble north
this week to face a feisty Vikings team that looks sneaky good.
Corderelelllellelle Patterson apparently plays with a jet pack, which seems
patently unfair. Don’t think the NFL will look into it though, they’ve got some
other issues this week. The Pats have never started 0-2 under Belicheat. Smart
money says that record holds this week. But, I’m not smart and neither are you
if you’re reading this, so take the Vikes. The Pats offensive line is atrocious
and Tom Brady can’t throw deep anymore. He finds it icky. So glad I drafted him on my fantasy
team (like I said, me no smart!). Vikings 27 Patriots 23 </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Green Bay -8.5 vs.
Jets </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Jets eked out an ugly win vs. the Raiders. It was the
type of win that Rex Ryan loves, because he’s a dingus who hates offense.
Meanwhile, the Green Bay defense is still terrible, so this seems like too many
points. I envision a painful Jets loss featuring a blown early lead and some
dumb penalties throughout, and some Geno Smith shenanigans while Michael Vick enjoys not getting pummeled on every play. Packers 30 Jets 24 </span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Detroit +2.5 at
Carolina </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Carolina backup QB Derek Anderson shocked the world by
looking like a competent player with a fully functioning arm last week.
Post-game he apologized to Browns’ fans, “Um..sorry Cleve about all the
sucking! My bad!” He probably caught a break because Tampa prepared to face a
good QB (Cam Newton) and was not ready for a terrible one. That can really mess
you up. Still, the Lions have too many weapons (players sound so much more
dangerous when you call them “weapons”). They should be able to win, unless Jim
Caldwell screws it up somehow (very possible) by attempting to blink or show
emotion in any way. Stay stoic, Jimbo. Lions 21 Panthers 20 (lock of the week). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Pittsburgh +3.5 at
Baltimore</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Aahh, just what the NFL needs, Baltimore on Thursday night
primetime. This whole thing is more disgraceful than CBS’ fall primetime lineup
(ZING!). Last week, the Ravens fans gave Ray Rice a standing ovation before the
game. STAY CLASSY, Baltimore. Seriously, if you knew what the end result was
from the events in that elevator (and everyone did), wtf are you clapping for?
And, to take it further, it shouldn’t have taken the release of the video for
the Ravens and the NFL to act. Ray Rice had described exactly what happened
already. It’s shameful. Ok, I will now dismount from my high horse….ouch, woah
horsey! I’m taking the Steelers here, too much bad mojo coming off of these
Ravens and Le'veon Bell may be the best player with a needless apostrophe in his name in the league. It's a caveat, but not as big a one as you might think. Steelers 20 Ravens 1</span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.politicspa.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Tony-Romo-sad.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.politicspa.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Tony-Romo-sad.jpg" height="219" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"At least we won't be 8-8 again this year, right?"</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dallas +3.5 at
Tennessee </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Oh, sweet Romo, what has become of you? He really is the
league’s human piñata. And he’s wearing enough padding on his pulverized ribs
that we probably could find room to put some candy in there. It’d be a nice
snack for the defensive lineman that rip him to shreds. JJ Watt could use a
Clark bar. Tennessee has zero interesting players, but I still think they win
this one. But, look for Dez Bryant to yell at someone at some point and then
fake an injury. Titans 24 Cowboys 13. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Washington -.5.5 vs.
Jacksonville<br />
</b>The Jaguars looked good for about 10 minutes last week and made everyone
nervous. No one’s ready for a world where the Jags are good. Not even
Jacksonville. D.C.'s leader in receiving yards is someone named Niles
Paul. Frankly, that name sounds made up and I don’t believe it. Niles Paul works in I.T. and is coming by to fix my computer right now, you can't fool me! Notice I didn’t
say Red$#*# at all in this write up? Take that, Snyder! You're welcome, Indians everywhere. You're also welcome for all the money I dropped at your casinos this past year. I do my part. Redskins 17 Jags 13 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Cincy -5 vs. Atlanta <br />
</b>It’s time for my Pet Peeve of the Week! This week my pet peeve is the cast
of The Today Show. Why are they always standing outside? Must they block
traffic in an already congested city with stupid concerts? No one wants a
concert at 8 am besides 12-year-old girls. And, why must they be so happy at
7am? Are they coked up? Go inside and calm down you caffeinated nut jobs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bengals 26 Falcons 23 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Houston -3 at Oakland</b><br />
Oof. The good news is there are plenty of seats still available for this one,
folks. Strap on the biker gear and Road Warriors’ paint and go enjoy yourselves
at the outdoor septic tank known as Oakland Alameda County Coliseum! The Texans
will win this and cover by the exact score of I don’t care to who gives a crap.
<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Denver -13 vs. KC </b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, this line sure escalated quickly. Denver’s offense
again looks unstoppable, yet they only won by 7 last week and Peyton missed on
just enough passes to make you wonder if he’s slipping just a tad. Chiefs
aren’t quite as bad as they looked last week. Take the pointy points here and
make something nice with them, perhaps a hat. Broncos 31 Chiefs 21 <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">New Orleans -4 vs.
Cleveland</b> <br />
Well, Josh Gordon is still out and Cleveland lost in Week 1 after coming all
the way back from 24 </span></div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.broadelphia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/brownsfans.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.broadelphia.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/brownsfans.jpg" height="240" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Cheer up, you have Lebron! And the Rock n' roll Hall of Fame!</td></tr>
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points down because they decided to punt on 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup>
and 6 from the Steelers 36 yard line. Oh and Ben Tate is hurt already. Might as
well call him the Not Very Bendy Tate, am I right? Oh, that’s compelling and
rich! Off to another rollicking start in the Cleve! They will regret passing on
Sammy Watkins for a long time. <br />
Saints 34 Browns 17<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Rams +6 at Bucs</b> <br />
Egads. I'd rather have an hour long conference call with Stephen A. Smith and Skip Bayless discussing Tim Tebow than watch this game. Ok, maybe not. Still, move it along, nothing to see here. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Bucs 9 Rams 6 <o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">49ers -7 vs. Bears <br />
</b>For some reason, people still think the Bears have a good defense. I know I
do despite all evidence to the contrary. Something about the cold, and their
history says they should have a good D. They do not. 49ers 33 Bears 27 </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.rantsports.com/clubhouse/wp-content/slideshow/2014/02/20-athletes-who-get-more-hate-than-they-deserve/medium/Phillip-Rivers.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.rantsports.com/clubhouse/wp-content/slideshow/2014/02/20-athletes-who-get-more-hate-than-they-deserve/medium/Phillip-Rivers.jpg" height="112" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"This coat is not downy fresh! Grr!"</td></tr>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Seahawks -6 at
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We got to see angry and chapped Philip Rivers last week, such a great treat! Facing the Seahawk D, you can expect to see a lot more of it, can't wait. Seahawks 23 Chargers 12 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-31689443023779253372013-11-07T12:50:00.001-08:002013-11-07T12:57:31.373-08:00NFL Week 10 Picks...With Horatio Caine <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
This week we are fortunate to have fictional character Horatio Caine from CSI Miami fame with us. Cain does two things well, solve crime and pick games. And he's all out of crimes. It'll be short and to the point and it is important to imagine him looking off into the distance and then putting his sunglasses on at the end of each pick. Take it away, Horatio...<br />
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<b>Eagles +1 at Green Bay</b><br />
"As I look at this game I see one big problem. Green Bayyyyyy....doesn't have their quarterback. And they're gonna need one." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHHH</a> Eagles 27 Packers 23<br />
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<b>Bills +3 at Steelers</b><br />
"The Steelers were smoked by New England last week...and where there's smoke...there's fire." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Bills 26 Steelers 24<br />
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<b>Raiders +7.5 at Giants</b><br />
"The verdict may be in on these teams. But the jury....is out." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Giants 30 Raiders 20<br />
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<b>Jaguars +12 at Tennessee </b><br />
Horatio: "How many players are on the Jaguars, Frank?<br />
Detective Frank: "45. Why?"<br />
Horatio: "Because.... that's exactly how many body bags we're going to need here." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Titans 23 Jags 16<br />
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<b>Rams +9.5 at the Colts </b><br />
If you can't pass the ball in the National Football League...you're as good as dead. And these Rams...are 6 feet under." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Colts 31 Rams 17<br />
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<b>Houston +2.5 at Arizona</b><br />
This match-up may look like a train wreck on paper...but this was no accident. The NFL schedule makers... have struck again." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Cards 17 Texans 14<br />
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<b>Redskins -2.5 at Minnesota</b><br />
"Both teams want to win this...so what we have established here...is motive." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Skins 28 Vikings 27<br />
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<b>Bengals -1.5 at Ravens </b><br />
"It looks like the Ravens have been left for dead...or maybe...they are just really, really tired." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Bengals 20 Ravens 10<br />
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<b>Broncos -7 at San Diego</b><br />
"If throwing touchdowns is a crime, and I'm pretty sure it is, Peyton Manning just became public enemy #1." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Broncos 34 Chargers 31<br />
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<b>Cowboys +7 at New Orleans</b><br />
"Well, well, what do we have here? It's time for some interrogations, because these Saints...are no choir boys." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Saints 38 Cowboys 35<br />
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<b>Seahawks -6 at Atlanta </b><br />
"Seattle may be the suicide capital of the country...but this will be a case of manslaughter...in the first degree. No wait...second degree." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Seahawks 24 Falcons 20<br />
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<b>Dolphins -3 at Tampa Bay</b><br />
"There's only one city in Florida that matters...and it doesn't rhyme with Bampa Tay." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Dolphins 16 Tampa 9<br />
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<b>Lions pick'em at Bears</b><br />
"Jay Cutler has gone all stabby stab stab on the Bears' dreams for years...and it ends now." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
Lions 34 Bears 28<br />
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<b>Panthers +6.5 at San Fran </b><br />
"Carolina is the hottest team in the league and will give the Niners all they can handle...What? I can do real analysis, too. When San Fran goes read option, Carolina will respond by blitzing the A and B gaps..." <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B_qd5yc_svo&list=PLnkGnNck1xDlnhPQnAolqgsEF1EHnqwob">YEAHHH</a><br />
49ers 27 Panthers 24David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-28666525263231476202013-11-01T09:44:00.002-07:002013-11-01T09:44:29.176-07:00Week 9 NFL Picks & Jets' Mid-Season Award Winners <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Before the NFL picks, let's hand out some awards for the Jets' best and worst performances over the first half of the season. Not surprisingly for a 4-4 team, there are an equal number of each. Drum roll please... </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.profootballfocus.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/jets-santonio-holmes-150x150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.profootballfocus.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/jets-santonio-holmes-150x150.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ouch! My shoulder is now<br />separated."</td></tr>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Joe Willy Namath Award for Most Valuable Player: <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/muhammad-wilkerson/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Muhammad Wilkerson</a></strong><br />The 3rd year lineman has been phenomenal and leads the defense with 7 sacks. Attempting to block him one-on-one is virtually impossible. He treats offensive linemen as if they are swinging doors. When the season is over, he'll be on his way to Hawaii for the Pro Bowl. Honorable mention: Nick Folk<br /><br /><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Bubby Brister Award for Least Valuable Player: <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/santonio-holmes/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Santonio Holmes</a> </strong><br />Holmes' actual mailing address is Jets' Disabled List. After all, it's where he lives. The Jets were counting on him to finally live up to his big contract, but the mercurial wideout apparently heals slower than an octogenerian with osteoporosis. Take your time Santonio, don't push it. Put your feet up and rest awhile and let the checks roll in. That's sound advice from Holmes' agent. Honorable mention: Entire offensive line. </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Freeman McNeil Award for Most Underrated Perfomance: <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/antonio-allen/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Antonio Allen</a></strong><br />For a safety that barely won the job out of the preseason, Allen has been a welcome addition to the secondary. He's made plays to stop the run at the line of scrimmage and has been asked to cover tough tight ends like Rob Gronkowski one-on-one and held his own. And, for the record, people do really forget how good and how consistent Freeman McNeil was. <a href="http://www.pro-football-reference.com/players/M/McNeFr00.htm" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Look at these numbers. </a></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/antonio-cromartie/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Antonio Cromartie</a> Award for Most Overrated Performance: <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/antonio-cromartie/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Antonio Cromartie</a> </strong><br />What a shocker. Every year, Cromartie receives lots of credit for being an elite cover corner from NFL experts, announcers and coaches. But, is it really deserved? He flirts with a pass interference call every time the ball is thrown his way. Last week in Cincinnati he was burned repeatedly and not for the first time. When he trails a receiver by several steps and a quarterback luckily overthrows that receiver (looking at you, Tom Brady), he acts like he did something special. He also has zero interceptions on the year. In other words, it's been a vintage Cromartie season.<br /><br /><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Vidal Sassoon Award for Best Hair on the Sideline: <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/mark-sanchez/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;">Mark Sanchez</a> <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/cab3384d79525821355668f5c58c6f0fc9aa6632/c=710-89-3117-1901&r=x404&c=534x401/local/-/media/USATODAY/test/2013/09/13/1379093896000-USP-NFL-New-York-Jets-at-New-England-Patriots-001.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="150" src="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/-mm-/cab3384d79525821355668f5c58c6f0fc9aa6632/c=710-89-3117-1901&r=x404&c=534x401/local/-/media/USATODAY/test/2013/09/13/1379093896000-USP-NFL-New-York-Jets-at-New-England-Patriots-001.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"They can take my job, but<br />the'll never take this hair." </td></tr>
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</strong>This one is self-explanatory. That hair could start a war one day. Or end one. </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Mark Gastineau Award for Player Most Likely to Receive a Horrible, Ill-timed Penalty:</strong> <a href="http://www.football.com/en-us/willie-colon/" style="border: 0px; color: #003d7d; cursor: pointer; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank"><strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Willie Colon </strong></a><br />Colon has received seven penalties in only eight games, which places him 4th overall in the NFL. If Colon continues to get playing time, it's a good bet he'll take the lead very soon. It's good to have goals, though. Honorable mention: Kyle Wilson. </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Curtis Martin Award for Best Running Back: N/A </strong><br />We are still accepting applications for this award. No current Jet running back averages more than 4 yards per carry. </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Blair Thomas Award for Most Disappointing Running Back: </strong><span style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">It's a four-way tie right now, let's check back later. </span></div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The James Earl Jones Award for the Guy We All Thought Was Dead But Somehow Isn't: David Harris</strong><br />I really thought James Earl Jones was dead. Was I the only one? But, there he is in those Sprint commercials. Is it a hologram? If he is alive, good for him. Similarly, after looking like a Walking Dead extra last year, David Harris leads the team in tackles and tackles for loss. It's been a big bounce back year for the 7th year linebacker. </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Roger Vick was a draft steal...<br />when compared with Vernon Gholston.</td></tr>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Johnny "Lam" Jones/Roger Vick/Vernon Gholston Award for Biggest Possible Draft Bust: <span style="color: #003d7d; font-family: inherit;"><span style="cursor: pointer; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit;">Stephen Hill</span></span> </strong><br />The Jets have had some big time busts, so I couldn't give this category one name. It's year two and the improvement has been minimal from Hill. Here are a few players that were still on the board when the Jets drafted Hill in the second round in 2012: Alshon Jeffery, Lavonte David, Russell Wilson, Rueben Randle, T.Y. Hilton, LaMichael James, Marvin "4 TD" Jones and Andre Ellington. Would the Jets take a straight up trade of any of those players for Hill today? Quicker than you can say "abso-tively." Honorable mention: Dee Milliner. </div>
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<b>The Ray Finkle Award for Most Disturbing Performance: Geno Smith</b><br /><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhYk75r33Vg">Just like Finkle was Einhorn and Einhorn was Finkle</a>, Geno Smith is a good quarterback and he is also a terrible quarterback. This is what you get with rookies. Opposing cornerbacks will be sending him some nice gift baskets for all those generous pick-sixes he throws. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2011/05/02/rex-ryan-book-cover_custom-s6-c30.jpg?t=1312424381" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://media.npr.org/assets/img/2011/05/02/rex-ryan-book-cover_custom-s6-c30.jpg?t=1312424381" width="132" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Play like you mean it, but<br />coach like you're on meth.</td></tr>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Rich Kotite Award for Making the Most People Say, "Are You Serious?": Rex Ryan </strong><br />Rex Ryan could win this award for using his coach's challenges like he's addicted to the high of using them, or for his poor clock management. But, instead he narrowly beat himself out with his inexplicable decision to kick a field goal in the third quarter while down 35 to 6 to the Bengals last week. That one took the cake. They really needed to cut the deficit to 26 points? Are you serious? Was he trying to cover a 27-point spread that only he knew about? Who else wants to hear his acceptance speech on this one? </div>
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<strong style="border: 0px; font-family: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The Pat Leahy Award for Best Kicker: Nick Folk </strong><br />Sure, this is a narrow category, but Folk has earned this with a perfect season so far. Three things you can count on in this world are death, taxes and Nick Folk knocking it through the uprights after the Jets have failed to execute in the red zone. </div>
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<b>Week 9 Picks: </b><br />Falcons +8 over Falcons<br />Cowboys -10.5 over Vikings<br />Saints -6.5 over Jets<br />Bills +3.5 over Chiefs<br />Rams +3 over Titans<br />Redskins +1,5 over Chargers<br />Eagles +3 over Raiders<br />Seahawks -16 over Bucs<br />Steelers +7 over Patriots<br />Colts -3 over Texans<br />Bears +11 over Green Bay<br />Browns +3 over Ravens<br /><br />Last week's picks: 7-6 </div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-68445825512004629562013-10-25T09:35:00.003-07:002013-10-25T09:35:47.764-07:00Week 8 NFL Picks: Return of the Deep Dish 2: A Dish Too Deep<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
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<a href="http://movieclips.com/PWVBE-spaceballs-movie-i-see-your-schwartz-is-as-big-as-mine/">"So, at last we meet, for the first time, for the last time." </a><br />
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Welcome to the return of THE DEEP DISH! Oh how you've missed me, and oh how I've been missed by you. You may want to ask where the first 7 weeks of NFL picks are. Tread lightly, my friend. Actually, it's a bit rude of you to ask that and I'll thank you to stay out of my affairs! Anyway, I'm going to go ahead and blame it all on the government shutdown (shakes fist angrily!). That's right, your Congress deprived you of the Deep Dish for three and one-half fortnights. Write your representative today! Preferably via the ye old postal service, because they need the business.<br />
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But, what a season it's been so far, hasn't it? I find the best way to sum up 7 weeks of football is through the use of one extremely long run-on once sentence, so here we go: Literally 80 percent of the league is injured (don't fact check this), Tom Brady sucks now and it's great fun for all (please do fact check this), the 49ers and Seahawks are still excellent, but not unbeatable, Peyton Manning's neck-roids are working amazingly well, the Giants are terrible, the Jaguars are historically terrible, Geno Smith is at the very least better than Mark Sanchez, the Cowboys are actually not that bad, the Chiefs cannot be this good, Greg Schiano is hilariously incompetent, the Browns are now starting Jason Campbell (what year is this?), poor Matt Schaub is so washed up that fans are sitting on his lawn with signs, Matt Barkley actually played in an NFL game and it went as you would expect and the Raiders remain great comic relief. All caught up? Good, let's get to the picks.<br />
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<b>Panthers -7 at Bucs (written yesterday, I totally swear) </b><br />
Word has it that the NFL will issue an apology prior to kickoff for the mere existence of this game. As well they should. Here are 5 things you can watch tonight that will be better than this game: 1) Ron Burgundy Durango commercials on continuous loop 2) <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwljAULXVLA#t=75">Gatti-Ward</a> Legendary Nights Special on HBO 3) Grey's Anatomy (just kidding, that's much worse) 4) Reign (not sure what this is, I'm just reading random shows off my channel guide now) 5) Bride of Chucky on AMC. Notice I left off the World Series game because both the Red Sox and Cards are just unbearable. Ooooh, you all grew beards, how creative, what a true TEAM! You know what would be better than growing beards? Don't shower for like a month straight and go on a peyote diet. Now that's TEAMWORK. See how cute the press thinks you are then. Panthers 20 Bucs 9<br />
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<b>49ers -16.5 at Jacksonville</b><br />
In a fit of rage, Jim Harbaugh will challenge his own challenge flag this week, causing a cataclysmic, <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.trbimg.com/img-524b08ea/turbine/os-simulation-proves-even-nfls-worst-is-better-001/600/600x428" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="142" src="http://www.trbimg.com/img-524b08ea/turbine/os-simulation-proves-even-nfls-worst-is-better-001/600/600x428" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I told you to poke eye holes. <br />
Now, you just look ridiculous."</td></tr>
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paradoxical event that will tear a gaping hole in the space-time continuum, which changes all life as we know it. But the Jags still won't cover. Niners 37 Jags 7<br />
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<b>Chiefs -7 vs. Cleveland</b><br />
In his 2nd season, the youthful 41-year-old Brandon Weeden's career appears over. It feels like just yesterday he was drafted, but it was actually 1991. The Browns were still smart to draft him though. Age is something that can't be taught. Now it's Jason Campbell's time to shine. Campbell is living proof that one undefeated season in college can lead to years of occasional NFL employment. There's hope Tebow, there's hope.<br />
Chiefs 24 Browns 13<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://wp.streetwise.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/drew-brees.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://wp.streetwise.co/wp-content/uploads/2012/07/drew-brees.jpg" width="241" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Growing bored with success,<br />
Drew Brees will complete a pass<br />
to 4 lucky fans this week.</td></tr>
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<b>Saints -11.5 vs. Buffalo </b><br />
The Bills have been sneaky good the last couple of weeks. Their skullduggery shan't continue though. This week, Drew Brees will complete a pass to a record 48 different receivers to fully achieve his lifelong goal to torment fantasy owners everywhere. Saints 38 Bills 26<br />
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<b>Jets +6 at Cincinnati </b><br />
I was really hoping the Jets would be awful this year so I could just ignore them. It appeared that would happen. No such luck. Now, they are playing just well enough, showing just enough promise in order to fill the fan base up with hope and bring us all back in. Make us believe again. Then around week 17, the sledgehammer falls. They are diabolical. Bengals 27 Jets 20. <br />
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<b>Pittsburgh -3 at Oakland </b><br />
The Steelers will win this game, sparking a lot of "The Steelers are Back!" stories. Anyone who reads those stories will immediately regret it. Steelers 16 Raiders 12<br />
<br />
<b>Cowboys +3 at Detroit </b><br />
Over the years, Tony Romo has won me over. The narrative that he is a choke artist is foolish. Does he screw up in the clutch? Sometimes, yes. But, he also wins. He's not Peyton Manning or Drew Brees, and few are...actually only 2 are. This Cowboys team is flying under the radar, which is almost impossible for a team that plays inside a space ship with an android as an owner. Dallas 34 Lions 31<br />
<br />
Halftime! Let's dance! Say what you will about Kings of Leon, and "Sex on Fire" is maybe the worst song ever, but this song is good:<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Dolphins +7 at Patriots</b><br />
Geno Smith is completing a higher percentage of passes than Tom Brady. He also has a better yards per.<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.headingfortheexits.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/tom-brady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="126" src="http://www.headingfortheexits.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/12/tom-brady.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Come back, Wes. I need you!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
attempt. Let that sink in. It's pretty funny when Pats fans, players and coaches whined over last week's correctly called penalty. A franchise that benefited from the <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDQAmuZ8t94">Tuck rule</a> is never allowed to complain about anything until at least the year 2073. Miami 23 Patriots 20<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Broncos -13 vs. Washington</b><br />
The NFL's best passing offense against it's worst passing defense. This should be fun. But, RG3 just put up 45 points against a good Chicago defense. Here are some ideas to replace the offensive Redskins name, should they desire:<br />
Washington Bullets (can't believe no one's EVER thought of this)<br />
Washington Willy Nillies<br />
Washington Cherokees<br />
Washington Ham & Cheese Sandwiches (mmm) <br />
Washington Monuments (sounds so powerful!)<br />
Washington Tropics<br />
Washington Demon Districters<br />
Washington Whosiwhatsits<br />
Denver 38 Skins 28<br />
<br />
<b>Atlanta +2 at Arizona</b><br />
I mean really, who cares? Matty Ice needs a new nickname, perhaps Matty Zima. He's sullying the name of a classy beer like Natty Ice. Who else misses Julio Jones? He's left a void in us all.<br />
Falcons 27 Cards 24<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/002/676/750/hi-res-124943175_crop_650x440.jpg?1350382105" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/002/676/750/hi-res-124943175_crop_650x440.jpg?1350382105" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You there..I'm just going to toss it <br />
up haphazardly, don't intercept me!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Giants +5 at Philly </b><br />
For the 90th time, it's the return of Mike Vick. And this time, it's not personal at all. Would it kill Tom Coughlin to punch one of his players? We all know he wants to do it. At this point, it would be cathartic. Philly 31 Giants 30 <br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Packers -9.5 at Minnesota </b><br />
During this game, clueless Vikings head coach Leslie Frazier will screw up at a crucial moment when he yells at his quarterback "Omaha, Omaha, wombat, 44!" because he heard Peyton Manning yell that on tv one time and it seemed to work for him. Packers 31 Vikings 17<br />
<b><br /></b>
<b>Seahawks -11.5 at St. Louis <table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.insidesocal.com/tomhoffarth/files/import/i-79241014734110476d679c92587d5709-pete_carroll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.insidesocal.com/tomhoffarth/files/import/i-79241014734110476d679c92587d5709-pete_carroll.jpg" width="176" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pete Carroll showing off the arm<br />
that forced him into his career as<br />
coach/cheerleader. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</b>Rumor has it, Pete Carroll will dress like a cheerleader for this game. Not for Halloween, it's just a life-long dream of his. No one cheers like Pete. Sam "Glass" Bradford is hurt again, but St. Louis has been working on a dynamic new offense where they snap the ball and run really fast in the wrong direction. It could present problems for the Seahawk D. Seattle 26 St. Louis 10<br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-12204181732834036612013-02-01T12:55:00.001-08:002013-02-01T12:55:27.726-08:00 Super Bowl Prop Bets: Will Ray Lewis Cry? Hell Yes, He Will <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://covington.mollymalonesirishpub.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Superbowl-2013.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://covington.mollymalonesirishpub.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Superbowl-2013.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The big game is here. Before breaking it down, let us all bask for a moment in the warm glow that is a Patriot-less Super Bowl. They are rare occurrences not to be taken for granted. There will be no Brady on Sunday, no Bellichick, no Welker, no Robert Kraft, no Gronkowski bro-ing it up in the sky-box. And that's a GREAT THING. <br />
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Yet, we still must suffer through one more day of Ray Lewis antics. It's no easy road for us, the brave viewer who must witness his shenanigans. You can bet he will leave all the antics he has left on that field, for he is a warrior of drama. <br />
<br />
We also must deal with 49er fans. Not to generalize, but here's a quick rundown of every 49er fan in existence: they are unbearable bandwagon fans that couldn't name 3 players on the team two weeks ago. They will tell you they knew all along Colin Kaepernick should start over Alex Smith, and they also can't say what college he even atttended. As they fiddle with the chains on their skinny jeans, they will tell you Jim Harbaugh is a genius and that the Giants are going to win the World Series again next year. If they utter the phrase "Fear the Beard," or dare flex their bicep like Kaepernick, you have my permission to dump a five layer dip on their heads.<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gridironfans.com/forums/attachments/latest-nfl-headlines/40649d1345387912-replacement-refs-give-49ers-coach-jim-harbaugh-2_jim-harbaugh.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="184" src="http://gridironfans.com/forums/attachments/latest-nfl-headlines/40649d1345387912-replacement-refs-give-49ers-coach-jim-harbaugh-2_jim-harbaugh.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will Jim Harbaugh make a referee cry? Odds: 1-1. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Prop Bets Galore!</strong> <br />
Hey, did you know you can bet on virtually anything to do with Sunday's game? In fact, I've already made a wager on how many wagers you will make. Let's step into my betting chamber and explore the many rich delights that await us! <br />
<br />
<strong>Coin Flip: Heads -105 vs. Tails -105</strong> <br />
If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times. TAILS NEVER FAILS*. <br />
<br />
*may fail 50% of time<br />
<br />
<strong>Over/Under on number of times "Harbaugh" will be said: 21.5 </strong><br />
Easiest bet on the board. They'll hit the over on this mid-way through the first quarter when Joe Buck says "Flacco drops back to pass....oh God I can't resist, Harbaugh, Harbaugh, so much toughness, so many Harbaughhhhhs!" <br />
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<strong>Over/Under on length of post-game hug between Harbaugh bros: 7.5 seconds</strong> <br />
Anything over 3 seconds becomes awkward very quickly. Hug for more than 5 seconds and you're essentially saying, "let's take this hug back to my locker room and see where it leads."<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.draftdaysuit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Ray-Lewis-dance-550x307.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="178" src="http://www.draftdaysuit.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Ray-Lewis-dance-550x307.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Interesting fact: Ray Lewis's pregame dance routine counts<br />
as 4 made tackles. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Over/under on tackles for Ray Lewis: 11.5 </strong><br />
If Ray Lewis is in on the field, he gets credit for tackles. If another Ravens player clearly makes the tackle by himself, Lewis gets credit for a half tackle because his leadership allowed said player to make that tackle. If Lewis is not on the field, he still gets credit, because he totally would have tackled that guy. Over. <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Over/Under on how long it takes Alicia Keys to sing National Anthem 2 minutes, 15 seconds.</strong> <br />
Another shockingly easy over bet. At the 2 minute mark, Alicia will still be singing about the dawn's early light. <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Will Alicia Keys add one word to the National Anthem? </strong><br />
Now this is a fun one. You never know, Keys could sing "and the bombs bursting in the air..jabronis..!" This would be an easier bet if Michael Jackson were singing, because you know he'd throw in a "Jam-on!" toward the end. Likewise, Bruce Springsteen would slip in a "mister" or a "sister" or a "darlin'". Maybe stay away from this one. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bostonglobe.com/rf/image_r/Boston/2011-2020/2013/01/30/BostonGlobe.com/Sports/Images/moss.r.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://www.bostonglobe.com/rf/image_r/Boston/2011-2020/2013/01/30/BostonGlobe.com/Sports/Images/moss.r.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Will Randy Moss say something stupid in postgame <br />
press conference. Odds 5/4. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Player Over/Unders: </strong><br />
<strong>Receiving Yards by Torrey Smith: 61.5</strong><br />
Smith is a big play guy, take the over. <br />
<br />
<strong>Rushing Yards by Ray Rice: 65.5</strong> <br />
I like Rice, but his backup Bernard Pierce has actually looked better than him in the postseason. Take the under here. <br />
<br />
<strong>Total receptions by Randy Moss: 2.5</strong> <br />
Moss has caught more than 2 passes in only 5 out of his last 18 games. Under. <br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>Total receptions by Anquan Boldin: 4.5 </strong><br />
Boldin is a crafty vet, and he excels in catching poorly thrown balls thanks to his background with the Arizona Cardinals. Over. <br />
<br />
<strong>Total rushing yards by LaMichael James: 25.5</strong><br />
James is half man/half scooter, and he will make a big play at some point. Over<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/50bcff92eab8ea034c000007-1775-1331/tim-tebow-jets.jpg?maxX=400" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="149" src="http://static3.businessinsider.com/image/50bcff92eab8ea034c000007-1775-1331/tim-tebow-jets.jpg?maxX=400" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Was Tebow acquired by Baltimore<br />
this week? No one is saying.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Who will score the first touchdown?: </strong><br />
On a bet like this, it's fun to take a longshot. That's why I've taken Tim Tebow at 100,000 to one odds. It's just good business. If you want to play it "smart" like a wuss, then go with Dennis Pitta at 12 to 1 or Kaepernick at 8 to 1. <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>The game: Niners -3.5 over Baltimore</strong><br />
I almost forgot, we can even bet on the actual game. Yeah, not as fun. The Ravens seem to be the popular pick as this line opened at -5. Both teams should be able to move the ball just enough on each other's defense. The Niners don't want to get into a field goal contest, since their kicker has a case of the shanks. Also, is Kaepernick really ready for this stage? The only QB to win a Super Bowl with so few starts in NFL history is Jeff Hostetler. And that was thanks to a missed fg by Scott Norwood. I like the Ravens in a squeaker. I also strongly advise against watching the post-game interview of Ray Lewis, unless you're the kind of person that likes Nicholas Sparks novels. <strong>Baltimore 24 49ers 23.</strong> <br />
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If you've been following my playoff picks this year that means you should put everything you have on the 49ers. Enjoy the game! <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-5641374551915749162013-01-18T10:03:00.003-08:002013-01-18T10:03:32.714-08:00The Official NFL Conference Championships Drinking GameLast year we introduced the official <a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2012/02/official-super-bowl-drinking-gameplus.html">Super Bowl drinking game</a>, and now it's time to unveil the Conference Championships Drinking Game. Totally different rules and twice the drinking! Fun for the whole family! (Stomach pump sold seperately.)<br />
<br />
<em>Update</em>: Actually, after just reviewing the rules below and consulting my attorney, I don't recommend anyone play this game ever. Even Winston Churchill would pass out playing this game, and he downed a decanter of bourbon with a Guinness chaser before eating a vodka-oatmeal breakfast every day. And that's true, I saw it on the BBC channel. I do my fact-checking here at the Deep Dish, we're not having a Manti Te'o situation, not on my watch.<br />
<br />
Without further adieu, as Richard Dawson says in <i>The Running Man</i>, "Let's Play the Feud!" <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/0113/nfl_g_gronk_gb3_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://a.espncdn.com/photo/2013/0113/nfl_g_gronk_gb3_600.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Not the elbow, bro, no bro, no, bro-uch!" </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Patriots -9 vs. Ravens</b><br />
<br />
Drink 1 drink when:<br />
<ul>
<li>Ray Lewis dances</li>
<li>Rob Gronkowski's elbow is mentioned</li>
<li>Tom Brady is mentioned in the same sentence with the word "precision" and "masterful" or "questionable wardrobe" and "lady-like" </li>
<li>Ray Lewis prays to the Lord</li>
<li>Bill Bellichick frowns or appears to mutters something under his breath</li>
<li>Ray Lewis misses a tackle </li>
<li>Joe Flacco overthrows a receiver and then directs the receiver to run faster</li>
</ul>
<div>
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/john-harbaugh-jim-harbaugh.jpg?w=400&h=225" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/john-harbaugh-jim-harbaugh.jpg?w=400&h=225" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Disdain for headsets runs in the family.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Drink 2 drinks when: </div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>An announcer praises Ray Lewis' leadership/and or character</li>
<li>When the Patriots many "weapons" are discussed</li>
<li>When the possibility of a "Harbaugh Bowl" is brought up</li>
<li>A Masters preview is showed and the words "A tradition unlike any other" are mentioned</li>
<li>Tom Brady complains about being touched by a defender </li>
<li>Wes Welker dives to the ground to avoid getting hit after a catch</li>
</ul>
<div>
Down your drink when: </div>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li>Ray Rice does something silly like convert a 4th and 19. You'll know when to do it. </li>
<li>Either QB throws a pick and the announcers promptly blame the receiver </li>
<li>A pass interference call is reversed because the pass was uncatchable (this never happens, btw) </li>
<li>Bill Bellichick smiles </li>
<li>Brady dons one of those ski caps with the puffy ball on top </li>
<li>A Ravens receiver drops the game-winning catch </li>
<li>You find something at all redeeming or likable about the Patriots </li>
</ul>
</div>
<br />
Prediction: Patriots 34 Ravens 21 <br />
<br />
<b>Atlanta +4 vs. San Francisco </b><br />
<br />
Take 1 drink when:<br />
<ul>
<li>Someone mentions doing the "dirty bird" or Jamaal Anderson</li>
<li>Any old clip of MC Hammer or Deion Sanders is shown </li>
<li>Whenever the camera shows Jim Harbaugh screaming (warning: this could be dangerous) </li>
<li>Matt Ryan's impressive home record or unimpressive playoff record is mentioned</li>
</ul>
<div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/teamphotos/nfl/20130112/Packers_49ers_Football_124581_game.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="267" src="http://i.cdn.turner.com/si/teamphotos/nfl/20130112/Packers_49ers_Football_124581_game.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Can I play the Packers every week?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Take 2 drinks when: </div>
<ul>
<li>Colin Kaepernick runs for a 70+ yard touchdown while momentarily taking flight </li>
<li>Fox shows a promo for that new Kevin Bacon show <i>The Following</i></li>
<li>Troy Aikman says the phrase "You're right, Joe..." </li>
<li>Eugene Robinson's <a href="http://www.palmbeachpost.com/news/sports/super-bowl-xxxiii-eugene-robinsons-prostitution-sc/nL32z/">Super Bowl XXXIII weekend</a> is mentioned (the XXX is fitting)</li>
<li>Anyone mentions Brett Favre was once drafted by the Falcons </li>
</ul>
Down your drink when:<br />
<ul>
<li>Harbaugh throws a challenge flag at a referee's head</li>
<li>Whenever Joe Buck says the name "Babineaux!" </li>
<li>If a referee utters the phrase "unabated to the quarterback" </li>
<li>Everytime the camera pans to Alex Smith looking sad </li>
<li>Anyone says "Tebow!" </li>
</ul>
Prediction: Falcons 23 49ers 20 <br />
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Enjoy the games! <br />
<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-42731940640768365762013-01-11T16:55:00.000-08:002013-01-11T17:03:35.155-08:00NFL Divisional Round Picks!<br />
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Worst. Wildcard. Round. Ever. You know it's bad when the highlight of the weekend is watching Mike Shanahan attempt to turn his QB's knee into Hamburger Helper. However, there are four outstanding games this weekend, so no time to dilly or even dally. A Manning-Brady showdown looms, so Lord help us all. <br />
<br />
Also, as I am wont to do, each game breakdown will be accompanied by a limerick: <br />
<br />
<strong></strong><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.media.sportspickle.cvcdn.com/90/61/73162a5a2a36f569506caa3bce6bc72a.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://1.media.sportspickle.cvcdn.com/90/61/73162a5a2a36f569506caa3bce6bc72a.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Both of these guys need to improve their game-face.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Denver -9.5 over Baltimore</strong> <br />
What a snoozefest between the Colts and Ravens last week. It was visual Ambien. The Broncos went into Baltimore a few weeks ago and basically tap-danced on the Ravens' heads. Now they get them at their own stadium. But, that was while Ray Lewis was out and before he announced his retirement, which begat his tearfell farewell tour that has inspired a nation to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzZbWHjyqJY">dance like idiots</a>. EVERYTHING'S CHANGED. <br />
<br />
What else can be said about Peyton Manning? He does funny commercials, was a surprisingly good SNL host, and is the first QB to play with a replacement neck. The Ravens simply don't have enough fire power to keep up with Denver, and this feels like another blow out. <br />
<br />
Ol' Ray Ray gets to play another week<br />
So annoying, of phonyness he does reek <br />
He will do his dance<br />
And then get de-pantsed<br />
By Mr. Manning, that neckless freak<br />
<strong></strong><br />
Broncos 31 Ravens 13 <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F6G5A4T4svs/T2fZDC86CNI/AAAAAAAABEM/UESJJDPxz7I/s1600/49ers30.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-F6G5A4T4svs/T2fZDC86CNI/AAAAAAAABEM/UESJJDPxz7I/s200/49ers30.jpeg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Here's the play...you run towards the bench, <br />
then sit there for about 3 hours."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Green Bay +3 over San Francisco</strong> <br />
This game is very similar to last year's playoff game between the Saints and 49ers - a high scoring, pass-heavy team meets the best defense in the NFL. The Saints lost that game largely due to two kick return fumbles, and Alex Smith playing the first good game of his career. This Packer team has a much better defense and more weapons at WR. Hasn't San Francisco won enough lately? How much happiness do these hipster doofuses deserve? No more, I say. <br />
<br />
Will the Niners be able to win? <br />
I wouldn't bet it on Harbaugh's chin<br />
Rodgers is gettin hot<br />
Receivers? They have a lot<br />
This'll be over before it begins<br />
<br />
That was dumb, let's try another one: <br />
<br />
There was a QB named Kaepernick<br />
He could throw and boy was he quick<br />
But the Pack can sure score<br />
It'll be over before<br />
You can say "discount double-chick" <br />
<br />
Close enough. <br />
Green Bay 27 Niners 20 <br />
<br />
<strong>Atlanta -2 over Seattle</strong><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.infiltrated.net/mgz/mushroomcloud.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.infiltrated.net/mgz/mushroomcloud.jpg" width="175" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here is the MRI of RG3's knee <br />
after Sunday's game. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
If the Falcons putz around and try to win this game on the ground with Michael Turner, the Seahawks will beat them. If they open it up and keep throwing to Julio Jones, Roddy White and Tony Gonzalez, they should win. If Matt Ryan loses this game, he may as well pack his bags and change his last name to Romo. No pressure. <br />
<br />
The Seahawks should say "thanks" to Shanahan<br />
Hey, leave in your QB, what a great plan<br />
It's just a little limp<br />
He's not yet a gimp<br />
Who cares if he never plays again?<br />
<br />
Falcons 31 Seahawks 27 <br />
<br />
<strong></strong><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=/i/headshots/nfl/players/full/5615.png&w=350&h=254" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="145" src="http://a.espncdn.com/combiner/i?img=/i/headshots/nfl/players/full/5615.png&w=350&h=254" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Forget about Brady, ladies, and take a gander<br />
at me, the Schaub-inator." </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Houston +9.5 over New England</strong> <br />
It's been 7 years since Brady and the evil, hooded, cheating, <a href="http://www.nypost.com/p/news/regional/item_6BtcAeJLwCRjwBa51ZDObJ">homewrecking coach</a> have won a Super Bowl. I have no follow-up point to that, but I enjoy saying it. It must be tough being Wes Welker. He was once the "little scrappy guy that could," and of course, he bravely broke the NFL's troll barrier. But, then along comes Danny Woodhead, a shorter, scrappier troll. There's got to be some resentment there. <br />
<br />
The Pats did give the Texans a beating a few weeks back, but expect a closer game this time around. Just look at Matty Schaub above. Is that not the face of confidence? <br />
<br />
There once was a mean coach named Bill <br />
It was said he smelled like a dunghill<br />
He's a devilish rake<br />
And a slimy snake<br />
Fitting, because he's pure evil<br />
<br />
Pats 34 Texans 30 <br />
<br />
Enjoy the games! <br />
<br />
Last week: 2-2 <br />
Overall record: 92-87-3 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-55180201524419705442013-01-04T11:03:00.000-08:002013-01-04T11:24:23.308-08:00NFL Wild Card Picks!<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blogs-images.forbes.com/prishe/files/2013/01/200x30015.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://blogs-images.forbes.com/prishe/files/2013/01/200x30015.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Karate here...not here, Daniel-son!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Is there a more depressing moment than throwing out your Christmas tree? It's so sad, like walking the Green Mile. "You've brought us great joy sweet tree, but you see... we don't need you anymore, and you're shedding and hogging up space, SO EAT SOME CURB!" It's another reason to dislike the month of January. The holidays are over, and it's back to the old grind and short winter days. But, the next three weekends also provide what Don King likes to call the "splendiforous resplenditude of NFL fabulousity." <br />
<br />
Some rules to remember for the Wild Card round: at least one road team will win, at least one home will win in a blow-out and one team that everyone loves will come out and stink. On to the picks...<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E_qS8UUao_8/TswSeu9IMkI/AAAAAAAAAI8/LmAkV9gFTrw/s1600/Bert-Sesame-Street1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-E_qS8UUao_8/TswSeu9IMkI/AAAAAAAAAI8/LmAkV9gFTrw/s200/Bert-Sesame-Street1.jpg" width="183" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Ravens need a big game<br />
from Flacco this week.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>Indy +6.5 over Baltimore </b><br />
So Ray Lewis is retiring? I don't buy it, this guy will play til he's 50 and will retire and un-retire 8 more times. Like TNT, he knows drama. Lewis hasn't really been good in four years, but he does lead the league in a stat called A.T. (almost tackles). No one is better at the almost tackle than ol' Ray. Troy Polamalu is second. The entire Jets team is tied for third. Anyway, prepare for roughly 1,000 close ups of Lewis screaming at his teammates and most likely openly weeping after Baltimore wins this game. In other words, just like every Ravens game for the last 17 years. Hooray for us all.<br />
<br />
Part of me thinks the Colts can win this game because Andrew Luck is already better than Joe Flacco. However, he's got a long way to go to match his eyebrow prowess, or <i>eyebrowess </i>as I call it. I'm taking the points, but I think Baltimore advances by an eyelas- I mean eyebrow hair. T.Y. Hilton will score a TD in this game or his name isn't T.Y. Hilton.<br />
Ravens 23 Indy 20 <br />
<br />
<b>Green Bay -7.5 over Minnesota </b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.minnpost.com/sites/default/files/AdrianPetersonVsPackers123012_640.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="182" src="http://www.minnpost.com/sites/default/files/AdrianPetersonVsPackers123012_640.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Betting against this man is unwise.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Let's face it, this is really A.P. vs. Rodgers. They may as well clear everyone off the field and just let these guys go one-on-one. I'm not sure how that would work in football. Peterson would first run over Rodgers, then Rodgers would get up and throw a football as far as he could to no one. Riveting television. It's a good thing I'm not allowed to make up the rules.<br />
<br />
I love Peterson, and he is the MVP hands-down, but you can't take Christian Ponder on the road and I mean that literally. He gets home-sick and calls his mommy and insists on taking his blanky with him everywhere. It's sorta cute. Plus, the Packers have all four of their starting receivers back, and they seem to have found a real-life running back in Dujuan Harris. And let's not forget about that frozen tundra. That's worth a touchdown against the spread in January. <br />
Green Bay 34 Minnesota 20 <br />
<br />
<b>Houston -4.5 over Cincy </b><br />
Ahh, here's the one game in four that's not really must-see TV and it's tucked away nicely on Saturday afternoon, like it's saying, "don't look at me, nothing to see here!" <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bengalsgab.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/marvin-lewis.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="137" src="http://www.bengalsgab.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/marvin-lewis.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Marvin Lewis, instilling confindence.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Houston's been stumbling down the stretch, while Cincy's been surging behind a defense that has quietly been one of the best in the league. J.J. Watt, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster are too damn good to lose this game. Also, betting on Marvin Lewis in a big game is just not a good idea. Even he can't believe he's still coaching the Bengals. <br />
Texans 27 Bengals 13<br />
<br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b></b><br />
<b>Washington +3 over Seattle</b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/robert-griffin-iii-russell-wilson.jpg?w=400&h=225" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://nesncom.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/robert-griffin-iii-russell-wilson.jpg?w=400&h=225" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who will be the next Mark Sanchez? Dare to dream, fellas.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
RG3 vs. lil' Russell Wilson is easily the best game of the weekend. Wilson's 100 QB rating would be a rookie record, if not for Griffin, who's at 102.4. Interestingly, the last rookie to win two playoff games in a season is Mark Sanchez. Just thought I'd mention that for no reason. Sanchez' NFL career is over, but his Saskatchewan Roughriders career is just getting started! Seattle looks like an unstoppable train and everyone loves them as a Super Bowl dark horse, but they struggled to beat a crappy Rams team at home last week. Wilson was also sacked 6 times. Sometimes teams peak too soon.<br />
<br />
Seattle's weakness is their O-line and Washington will blitz the hell out of them this week, just like they did Romo last week. Wilson is roughly 200 times more elusive than Romo, but he also is not the same QB on the road (8 interceptions). If Griffin were healthy I think Washington wins, but he's not, so Seattle squeaks this one out in what should be a great game and moves on to Atlanta next week.<br />
Seahawks 24 Skins 23. <br />
<br />
<strong>Bonus National Title Game Pick:</strong> <br />
<strong>Notre Dame +9 over Alabama</strong> <br />
Two great defenses could lead to one of the least entertaining National Title games since, well, last year when 'Bama and LSU held that field goal suck-fest that everyone has tried to erase from their memories. It's a shame because there really have not been any good BCS games yet. Thanks again, BCS! At least we get to see Johnny Football vs. the Sooners tonight in a game that means nothing. I digress. I think the Irish have just enough to hang around and keep this game close..notice I said "close" and not "interesting." Bring on the playoff system please. <br />
'Bama 16 N.D. 14<br />
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Overall record: 90-85-3 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-14363079438432698462012-12-21T10:07:00.002-08:002012-12-21T10:07:23.529-08:00Week 16 NFL Picks! Plus, A Festivus Airing of Grievances<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Instead of my usual cogent football analysis, each of this week's picks will be accompanied by a random observation about life (read: grievances). After an extremely sad and depressing past week and a half, I hope they provide some laughter. Feel free to read this with your inner Seinfeld voice, because "what is the deal with that?" Happy Holidays to all. <br />
<br />
<b>Green Bay -13 over Tennessee </b><br />
Is every band on the radio Mumford and Sons? Look, they're an ok group, but everyone now sounds like them and I'm sick of it. "And IIIIIIIIIIIIII will take my time...and IIIIIIIIII will sing like this and IIIIII will make all my songs sound the same....sound the same." <br />
<br />
<b>Oakland +8.5 over Carolina </b><br />
No group of people are more deserving of our scorn than snowboarders. They're the worst. They hog up the slopes, laying about like sea lions on a pier and thinking about their next "big air". Plus, they take up all the room on the chairlift line with that annoying gimp-like waddle they do. They should have their own lifts and their own slopes and separate mountains. And don't get me started on their hats. (shakes fist angrily) <br />
<br />
<b>Buffalo +4.5 over Miami </b><br />
Ever sneeze into your hand and immediately sniff your hand right after? Why is that smell so enchanting and intoxicating? Would I wear a sneeze-scented perfume? Perhaps not, but I'll take a free sample. This is probably just a guy thing. <br />
<br />
<b>Cincy +4 over Pitt</b><br />
I'm tired of the expression "Too many cooks in the kitchen" and would like to officially propose changing said expression to "Too many dicks on the dance floor." You can use this expression in an office environment nicely: "This project would be done Bob, but there's way too many dicks on the dance floor right now." Hat tip to <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Wl_uQOABxg">Flight of the Conchords</a>. <br />
<br />
<b>New England -14 over Jacksonville</b><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.akts.com/securimage/securimage_show.php" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.akts.com/securimage/securimage_show.php" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hate these. Is it upper case or lower case? Gahhh!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
I hate when I have to type letters into one of <a href="http://www.akts.com/securimage/securimage_show.php">these security codes</a> to get to my email or some other account. They've made these things so illegible that it takes about 3 tries to get through. I've had it. Stop wasting my time with your indecipherable mind games, Internet! <br />
<b></b><br />
<b>Indy -6.5 over K.C.</b><br />
Ever get caught singing way too emphatically and playing kick-ass air guitar while stuck in your car at an intersection. Then you have to play it off like you're talking on a blue tooth that isn't there or adjusting your seatbelt? It happens to me on a semi-weekly basis. This is doubly embarrassing when you're singing No Doubt's "I'm Just a Girl,"which I have never done. On an unrelated note, "tinted windows" is on my Christmas list. <br />
<br />
<b>Dallas -3 over N. Orleans</b><br />
When people say a certain type of product, program or system is "integrated" and they're not referring to race, what they are really saying is they have no idea what "integrated" means and they hope you don't either. <br />
<br />
<b>Tampa -3 over St. Louis </b><br />
I was stuck on an overcrowded train in 100 degree heat in Italy this past summer and there was no A/C (yes, just imagine those smells for a second). As I was contemplating how rich I could become by introducing my new sneeze-scented perfume/deodorant to Europe, I noticed a man eating a block of brie. With nothing else, no bread or cracker, just a hunk of brie straight up. THAT'S INSANE. Brie is way, way down on my list of cheeses I could eat a block of. Now that I think about it, the entire list is: mozzarella, parmesan, cheddar, and gouda gets a maybe. I'm not eating a block of anything else. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.ballineurope.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Pau-Gasol-huh.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="178" src="http://www.ballineurope.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/11/Pau-Gasol-huh.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This expression sums up the <br />
Lakers season thus far.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Detroit +4 over Atlanta </strong>Thursday night football was really terrible this year. Guys limping around, everybody half-assing it, it was like watching a Lakers game (ZING!). But, the only thing more annoying than the terrible games were all the people that complained about it constantly. Move the games one night to Friday. Problem solved, you're welcome. <br />
<b></b><br />
<b>Giants -2.5 over Baltimore </b><br />
Is there a more conflicted feeling than driving through a store parking lot and not finding even one space to park? On one hand you're frustrated, but on the other you're relieved, because it's like, "this task cannot possibly get completed and it's not my fault...I'm not parking down the street like some chump." <br />
<br />
<b>San Fran pick 'em over Seattle </b><br />
Have you ever run out of diapers for your baby and wonder what you could use as a makeshift diaper should the emergency strike? "Well, I could fasten a pork pie hat to his booty with a belt-like contraption and he'll just poop into that. Problem solved! Or hey, no one ever uses this crockpot, right? We're not going back to that store with no parking today, not on my watch."<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/928/935/hi-res-153682770_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="216" src="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/928/935/hi-res-153682770_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I didn't think you could top my suckage, but you came close, bro!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<b>San Diego +1.5 over Jets</b><br />
Speaking of what to do with poop, let's talk Jets. The Jets media attention is inversely proportional to how good they are as a team. I wish they would just be allowed to suck in anonymity, but they deserve it because they never shut up. Now they're saying they want to trade Sanchez. Unless there's a new rule where you can trade players to the CFL or the Arena League, I don't think this is happening. <br />
<br />
<strong>Cleveland +13 over Denver </strong><br />
Warning...more Jets talk. The Monday night crew were so infuriated with the Jets embarrassing excuse of an offense last Monday that they practically called for Sanchez' and Tony Sparano's head on a stake. This isn't really a grievance, I just found it noteworthy. The veins in Jon Gruden's neck were about to burst and Trent Dilfer and Steve Young looked ready to strangle someone. These guys may to need to take it down a notch. <br />
<br />
<b>Chicago -5 over Arizona</b><br />
I never know what to tip the guy who ties the Christmas tree to the top of the car. I'm assuming it's $5-$10, but it could be more. The service he's providing is arguably more valuable to me than the tree itself. It would take me 'til MLK day to get that tree properly tied to the roof, and I'd rather not have a tree at all than try. He's getting a bigger tip from me....next year. If I remember. Merry Christmas, everyone! <br />
<br />
<br />
<strong>Week 14 Picks</strong>: 9-7 <br />
<strong>Overall record:</strong> 84-77-3 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-60660433866478724422012-12-06T11:44:00.001-08:002012-12-06T11:44:40.469-08:00NFL Week 14 Picks ...More Hilarious Limericks! Oh yes, <a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2012/10/nfl-week-7-picks-in-limericks.html">the limericks</a> are back, mainly because I have very few new ideas, so back off, Jack. We are in the home stretch of the season, and most of the playoffs spots are pretty much decided, but so many questions remain...will Matty Ice finally win a playoff game? Will Big Ben ever return? Will the Cowboys fulfill their annual destiny of collapsing in hilarious fashion? Will the Gronk get back to his old bro' self? What year will Greg McElroy be inducted into the Hall of Fame? And, most importantly, how are those awful shows "Whitney" and "Two Broke Girls" both still on the air? I mean, come on! <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.bilerico.com/2008/03/silence_lambs_06.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.bilerico.com/2008/03/silence_lambs_06.jpg" width="177" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Rams are in a pit of despair.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Buffalo -3 over St. Louis</strong><br />
The Rams are stuck in slow motion<br />
All their fans are losing devotion <br />
They need a quick fix <br />
To get back in the mix <br />
Or else Buffalo Bills will apply the lotion<br />
<br />
<strong>Jets -2.5 over Jacksonville </strong><br />
Sanchez will return once again to start<br />
But he's at his best when holding a chart<br />
Whatever can we do? <br />
Watch more butts run into? <br />
Must he linger 'round like a bad fart? <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>San Diego over Pittsburgh</strong><br />
There once was a "qb" named Batch <br />
Who's passes no one could ever catch <br />
He played for many years<br />
And heard nothing but jeers<br />
It's ineptness Phil Rivers can match. <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://raiders4life.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/s_janikowski.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://raiders4life.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/s_janikowski.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is why you don't do Jaeger shots<br />
on the sidelines.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Denver -10 over Oakland </strong><br />
The Raiders continue to disgrace <br />
the game of football at a rapid pace <br />
Carson Palmer has stunk <br />
Janikowski's always drunk <br />
But at least they have a classy fanbase. <br />
<br />
<strong>Carolina +3.5 over Atlanta</strong> <br />
Every week the Falcons squeak by <br />
Their great fortune, no one can deny <br />
But that Michael Turner <br />
Is no longer a burner <br />
I've seen glaciers that were more spry <br />
<br />
<strong>Detroit +6.5 over Green Bay</strong> <br />
This guy Suh likes to make QBs hurt <br />
So Rodgers had better be alert <br />
Protect those jewels <br />
From this cheapshotting tool <br />
Crotch injuries are wise to avert <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/tdn.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/f/98/f98c6db8-3cd3-11e2-a3da-0019bb2963f4/50bbdd65c99b8.preview-620.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://bloximages.chicago2.vip.townnews.com/tdn.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/f/98/f98c6db8-3cd3-11e2-a3da-0019bb2963f4/50bbdd65c99b8.preview-620.jpg" width="134" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I would have given you three <br />
houses at USC."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Seattle -10.5 over Arizona </strong><br />
The Cardinals are under duress <br />
As for talent, they couldn't have less <br />
The Seahawks will destroy <br />
Carroll will jump for joy <br />
And forget he left SC a hot mess<br />
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<strong>New Orleans +5 over Giants </strong><br />
Why does Coughlin's face get so red? <br />
Is it 'cause all the blood's in his head? <br />
He needs to relax<br />Or wear looser slacks <br />
Just watching him fills me with dread <br />
<br />
<strong>Miami +10 over San Fran</strong><br />
To the bench the Niners sent Smith<br />
Who's talent was just a big myth<br />
He just couldn't throw<br />
He will have to go <br />Hey, Sanchez needs someone to golf with. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://karnsffl.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/brady.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://karnsffl.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/brady.jpg" width="151" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">So much wrong here.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Houston +4 over New England </strong><br />
Let's not make fun of Tom Brady <br />
Because he has hair like a lady <br />
It's his love of sheep<br />
like Little Bo Peep<br />
That I find totally shady <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Washington -2.5 over Baltimore</strong> <br />
What's up with these cheap shots from Reed? <br />
He's getting fined, Goodell has decreed <br />
It's cool to late hit<br />
'Til they notice it<br />
And you're making Tom Brady bleed <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/jerry-jones-150x150.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.totalprosports.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/jerry-jones-150x150.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Scary.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Cincy</strong> <strong>-3 over Dallas</strong><br />
Jerry Jones has had some work done<br />
His face now resembles turkey bacon<br />
These Bengals can play<br />
Dalton will have his day <br />
Upsetting the Cowboys owner/goblin <br />
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<strong>The rest of the picks (which I couldn't find rhymes for):</strong><br />
Cleveland -5.5 over KC <br />
Philly +7.5 over Tampa Bay <br />
Indy -5.5 over Tennessee <br />
Chicago -2.5 over Minnesota <br />
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Last week's record: 10-5-1 <br />
Overall: 75-70-3 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-987871489649235562012-11-28T21:18:00.000-08:002012-11-29T10:48:09.182-08:00The Greatest Rock Video Ever? Plus, Week 13 NFL PicksA little over 20 years ago Guns N' Roses released the Use Your Illusion albums. There were a lot of good songs contained on those two records, and several atrocious ones (hello, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uhQ6CyGb4VU">My World</a>), but one of my personal favorites is "Estranged." This is mainly because it spawned one of the most over-the-top, ridiculous music videos of all time. It's a video that involves Axl Rose jumping off of an aircraft carrier, Slash soloing in front of an ocean full of dolphins and a plot more intricate than "Trapped in the Closet." <br />
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This was the video where the boys from GNR said, "we are on top of the world, let's burn this mother down." Frankly, I think it deserves further exploration and dissection with a Deep Dish video breakdown. We did this last year with <a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2011/11/worst-song-everplus-week-12-nfl-picks.html">Soundgarden's awful "Black Hole Sun"</a> to great acclaim. So put on your flannel and come back with me to the year 1993...<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/dpmAY059TTY?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe><br />
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<strong>00-0:30</strong>: This first thirty seconds of the video really sets the tone for what we're about to receive. First, a definition of the word "illusion." Thank you, it's about damn time someone explained it. Consider the stage officially set! Next, hey a tire swing and a swingset....but no one is on it. Innocence has clearly been lost. But who's? Everyone's, that's who. <br />
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<strong>0:30-1:25:</strong> Have you ever seen a SWAT team that also doubles as an EMT unit? Well, you have now, thanks to Rock! By the way, the production value here is just top notch. It's like a Michael Bay movie, or an episode of CSI, everything's all blue and green and flashlights abound. That dinosaur's shadow also had me scared for a second there. What a sneaky metal band they were. Hey, there's Axl curled up in the fetal position, he's not in good shape. Again. We may have to get the straight jacket and go all "Welcome to the Jungle" on him again. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img2.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/9/p/9pizphr7duzip9zu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="147" src="http://img2.bdbphotos.com/images/orig/9/p/9pizphr7duzip9zu.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The models are not impressed.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>1:25-2:20</strong>: We interrrupt this police raid for standard concert footage. Have to admit, even though it's cliche, watching a stadium fill up with people thru time-lapse photography gets me everytime. It's like PEOPLE HAVE ARRIVED, RAISE YOUR GOBLET TO ROCK.<br />
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<strong>2:20-2:55:</strong> The plot thickens, one of Axl's illegitimate children make an appearance. And of course models watch the concert and nod condescendingly, comfortably aloof from the proceedings. The strobe lights are not appreciated and may send me into a coma at any moment. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.wopvideos.com/imgvideos/grandes/604.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.wopvideos.com/imgvideos/grandes/604.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"No one understands my rock problems."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>2:56-3:55:</strong> The band finishes the concert, but they appear tired, because the road is a bitch, you know? And here we go, Axl has left his sleeping body behind and is drifting like a spirit. Because really, who needs this business? It's supposed to be ABOUT THE MUSIC. He returns to the fetal position in the shower, and then a girl who may or may not represent a young Slash slides down a pole for no apparent reason. Say what you will about this video, but these Slash solos are still epic. <br />
<br />
<strong>3:56:-5:20</strong>: Ah yes, Axl's mansion in the hills. The perils of rock and roll decadence on full display. Is it a mansion though, or the world's most expensive daycare/insane asylum? Lots of kids trotting about and people that look like nurses. We then get a much needed definition of Estranged with a bonus meaning! I think Webster's got a kickback on this video. And everything is white - white outfits, white limos, white walls, white dogs, but then... a black elephant. Oh, what does it all mean? Other than the obvious conclusion that Axl is pretty much racist. But that's too easy.<br />
<br />
<strong>5:20-5:30</strong> Don't you hate it when a dolphin emerges from the tour plane? This is what happens when you hire Jacques Cousteau as your stagehand because you're kajillionaires. Mo aquatic special effects, mo problems. This song still has over 4 minutes left, don't go anywhere. <br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.themost10.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Guns-N%E2%80%99-Roses-%E2%80%93-Estranged.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://www.themost10.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/Guns-N%E2%80%99-Roses-%E2%80%93-Estranged.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">These are ideal conditions for electric guitar.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>5:31-7:00:</strong> Now we're on the Sunset Strip, after an apparent flood. The crowd of people outside the Rainbow sure seem ambivalent about Slash rocking out a solo on the freaking sidewalk like a boss. C'mon people, it's Slash, not C.C. DeVille. Slash could've thrown his hat down and made at least $50 bucks here. Opportunity missed. I think that's Matt Dillon from "Singles" smoking a cigarette at the 6:43 mark. <br />
<br />
<strong>7:01-8:30:</strong> Here's the part of the song where we jump off of ships! Luckily, a random bandmate is aboard swabbing the deck and throws Axl a lifeline. Is that Izzy, Gilby or Dizzy? Or Daffy? It doesn't matter, Mr. Rose has no need for your flotation devices today, good sir. He has his dolphin friends to help him, and they ask nothing in return. Slash rises from the depths to take his 8th face-melting solo on a 9-minute song. It's not overdoing it though, because this one is a sunset solo and includes dolphin noises, so it's way different than the others.<br />
<br />
<strong>8:31-9:00:</strong> Duff McKagan makes a cameo appearance and is all "hey, remember me? I'm still in this band, too, wait don't go, I'm more than a bassist, remember the first chords of 'It's So Easy'? All my idea...noooo!"<br />
<br />
<strong>9:01-9:30:</strong> The real star of this video is that Charles Manson shirt. What a great Christmas gift idea..."I saw that shirt and I thought of you, honey! Let's listen to the White album." There's no way that shirt smells good. If you can't find a shirt that says "I'm drunk on fame and going insane," I guess you buy that Manson shirt instead. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0YeLF-NcQJQ/T2BI2vc1HoI/AAAAAAAAAqA/oRIROQkO1rY/s1600/estranged090zf2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0YeLF-NcQJQ/T2BI2vc1HoI/AAAAAAAAAqA/oRIROQkO1rY/s200/estranged090zf2.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This dolphin sadly died 12 seconds later.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>9:30-9:51:</strong> We wrap it up with a final definition of "disillusion." I'm super prepared for those SATs now. Axl's Converse drifts to the ocean bottom and we finish with him sitting on a couch with a dolphin, smirking like, "yup, can you believe you just saw that?" And the dolphin is wearing a flannel shirt, because why not. Rock masterpiece complete. Fin (Word play!) <br />
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<b>Week 13 NFL Picks </b><br />
Atlanta -3.5 over N. Orleans <br />
Chicago -3.5 over Seattle <br />
Minny +9 over Green Bay <br />
San Fran -7 over St. Louis <br />
Arizona +4.5 over Jets <br />
Carolina -2.5 over KC <br />
Indy +4.5 over Detroit <br />
Buff -6 over Jacksonville <br />
Miami +7.5 over N. England <br />
Cincy -1.5 over San Diego <br />
Houston -5.5 over Tenn <br />
Tampa +7 over Denver <br />
Dallas -10 over Philly <br />
Washington +2.5 over Giants<br />
Balt. -5 over Pitt <br />
Cleve +2 over Oak <br />
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Week 11 Record: 9-4 (week 12 was my bye week) <br />
Overall record: 65-65-2 (Back to .500!) <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-73015024423898333682012-11-15T09:21:00.001-08:002012-11-15T09:21:43.289-08:00NFL Week 11 Picks, Plus Favorite Quotes from "Revolution" That Were Never Actually Said<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://threatqualitypress.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/revolution-nbc-550x310.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://threatqualitypress.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/revolution-nbc-550x310.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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So, there's this new show on NBC called <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2070791/">Revolution</a>. If you've heard of it, please excuse this brief description: the power went out all over the world and SHIT GOT REAL. Many of our East Coast friends can more than relate to this right now. On "Revolution," no one knows how or why the power went out, but the world becomes an apocalyptic wasteland over the course of 15 years and grass grows really high, because lawn care was the first thing to go. <br />
<br />
I've only seen one episode (as far as you know), and was unimpressed with this fairly obvious attempt to rip off elements of "The Hunger Games" and "Lost." Not that I'm fan of "Lost" - those last couple of seasons were an abomination. Hey, let's spin a big wheel and move the island! Brilliant! <br />
<br />
Anyway, this particular episode revolved around a group of misfits with surprisingly stylish hair saving a Peter Pan like crew of kid rebels. It was all very "A-Team." The lead actress, Tracy Spiridakos, is hilarious. She walks around with a bow and arrow that should say "Katniss" on it and acts every scene with her eyes (clearly a graduate of the esteemed<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZhRz6DZSrM"> Tyra Banks drama academy</a>). <br />
<br />
As I watched this new show, I kept hoping for certain lines of dialogue to be said, and they were not. This disappoints me to no end. There were some great one-liners that were out there ready for the taking, and they just drifted away into the dark, dark world. I've done this <a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2011/09/favorite-quotes-from-hawaii-5-0-that.html">once before with Hawaii 5-0,</a> and I will do it again here. Here are some great lines that should be said in "Revolution," but most probably won't ever be, and that is a tragedy: <br />
<br />
"Well, of coursed I'm pissed, I haven't listened to my Ipod in 15 years!"<br />
"It may be dark around the world, but I see a light in your eyes, girl." <br />
"Just look at all those Pop Tarts...and not a working toaster to be found." <br />
"I knew my degree in candle-making would pay off someday."<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://pmctvline2.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/revolution_prem_em_300.jpg?w=640" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="160" src="http://pmctvline2.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/revolution_prem_em_300.jpg?w=640" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You hated me on Lost. Hate me again<br />
on this show."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"Hey honey, I'm home from hunting, what's on TV tonight...dammit, I keep forgetting!" <br />
"Man, I sure wish people in the 2000s had conserved energy better. Those bastards."<br />
"I used to love the sunset. Not anymore"....(sheds tear)<br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://thesevensees.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Revolution-Screen-Grab-4.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="111" src="http://thesevensees.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/Revolution-Screen-Grab-4.png" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Let me go, and I'll give you my DVD<br />
collection."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"I so wish I could tweet what an A-hole you're being right now."<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/jd-pardo-billy-burke-revolution-nbc.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="133" src="http://blog.zap2it.com/frominsidethebox/jd-pardo-billy-burke-revolution-nbc.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Look, we can either make out or join the revolution, <br />
we can't do both."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
"Listen kid, there was this thing called Pandora and you could listen to all this music online, but then this other thing called Spotify came along and...ahh forget it, it's not gonna make sense."<br /><br />"No, I'm Rizzoli, she's Isles, get it straight!" (crossover episode) <br />
<br />
"Looks like (removes sunglasses)...someone dimmed his lights for good." (special guest appearance by David Caruso). <br />
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<strong>Week 11 NFL Picks </strong><br />
Buffalo -2 over Miami <br />
Washington -3.5 over Philly <br />
Green Bay -3.5 over Detroit <br />Arizona +10 over Atlanta <br />
Tampa -1.5 over Carolina <br />
Cleveland +7.5 over Dallas <br />
Saint Louis -3 over Jets <br />
Indy +9.5 over New England <br />
Cincy -3 over K.C. <br />
Oak +5 over N. Orleans <br />
San Diego +7.5 over Denver <br />
Baltimore -3.5 over Pitt<br />
San Fran over Chicago <br />
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Last week: 5-8 <br />
Season: 56-61-2 <br />
<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-11434263758343028782012-11-09T15:08:00.001-08:002012-11-09T17:09:46.093-08:00Week 9 NFL Picks! What a triumphant week for America. Yes we can! What I'm obviously referring to is that <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/08/sports/baseball/mets-and-jason-bay-agree-to-part-ways.html?_r=0">the New York Mets released Jason Bay on Wednesday</a>. A former slugger, Bay hit 26 homers for the Mets in three seasons while batting .234. He was actually even worse than those numbers appear. He batted .165 last year. Half of the Mets pitching staff had a higher batting avg. than him. He never got a hit in a big spot, and he never adjusted to what pitchers were throwing him. He wasn't much of a fielder either. <br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/NY-BV014_SPRTS__G_20120808190528.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="http://si.wsj.net/public/resources/images/NY-BV014_SPRTS__G_20120808190528.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jason Bay's Met career in summary.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
But, it's hard not to feel bad for him. He always played hard, and said the right things, and by all acounts he was a good teammate. He just happened to lose all his skills practically overnight. Suffering two concussions certainly didn't help, nor did getting booed regularly. How can you not feel bad for him? But, then I remember he's already earned over $40 million from the Mets, and will earn $17 million this year sitting at home on the couch. It is doubtful he ever plays again in the majors. That adds up to about $55,000 per Cheeto he will eat next summer. Now I'm just jealous. And kind of hungry. Vaya con Dios, Jason Bay. <br />
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On to the picks: <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Buffalo +11 over New England</strong> <br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/918/530/hi-res-152098194_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/918/530/hi-res-152098194_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Get this man the ball, Buffalo!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
The Bills don't give CJ Spiller the ball 25 times a game, because, well they're the Bills, and aren't great at the whole talent evaluation thing. Tom Brady rocked an interesting tweed coat to an Aerosmith concert this week, apparently <a href="http://www.gannett-cdn.com/media/USATODAY/gameon/2012/11/05/a69cxancuaewlzr-4_3_r560_c560x380.jpg?e30e514401c44b160da53c4fd24ece0b885793ba">with no shirt underneath</a>. I mean, WTF? What a d-bag move. The collection of his embarrassing photos continues to grow with each passsing day. Plus, who the hell goes to Aerosmith concerts anymore? Most overrated band in rock history. <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Giants -4 over Cincy</strong> <br />
I'm a big fan of this<a href="http://elimanninglookingatthings.tumblr.com/archive"> Eli Manning Looks at Things</a> Tumblr. How about one of him looking at Tom Brady in that dumb tweed coat? Too much to ask? <br />
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<strong>Tampa -3 over San Diego</strong><br />
Doug Martin will set another record and have 400 yards rushing this week. ON ONE PLAY. On the flip side, Norv Turner will also set a record by punting on 4th and short 38 times. <br />
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<strong>Detroit -2 over Minnesota</strong><br />
What is up with Calvin Johnson? Only 1 TD catch so far this year. Well, for one, he's getting sextuple teamed...and not in the good way (said in a Rodney Dangerfield voice). Stafford needs to realize everyone else is wide open for TDs galore. <br />
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<strong>Carolina +4 over Denver</strong><br />
Carolina has looked better in recent weeks, and Denver is due for a hiccup. <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://images.hitfix.com/photos/2273255/wash_article_story_main.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://images.hitfix.com/photos/2273255/wash_article_story_main.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'll stop this train...I mean land this plane!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Miami -6 over Tennessee</strong><br />
I watched the movie "Flight" this past week, and I now never want to step on a plane again. Thanks, Hollywood. I enjoy how Denzyl Washington is slowly working his way through the transportation industry with devastating effects. Last year was the runaway train in "Unstoppable," a couple of years before that was the ferry destruction in "Deja Vu"... I'm not sure what his next move could be, he's running out of modes of transport. My hope is some sort of runaway Segway. He could just be on it the whole time with his feet tied to it or something, going "Okay...Alright...let's go!" <br />
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<strong>New Orleans +2 over Atlanta</strong> <br />
A strangely low line that seems to be going with the logic that the Falcons have to lose sometime. <br />
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<strong>Jets +6 over Seattle</strong><br />
Tony Sparano and Mark Sanchez in a hostile environment...yikes, get the adult diapers ready. The Jets won't win this game, but Seattle doesn't blow anyone out. Seahawks have protected the diminutive Russell Wilson nicely by attempting the fewest amount of passing plays in the league, but the Jets are solid against the run and should be able to slow down Lynch. Seahawks win in a close one. Look for Tebow to play, celebrate wildly on 3 yard runs and thoroughly screw up any momentum the Jets have. Like always. <br />
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<strong>Oakland +8 over Baltimore</strong> <br />
This one looks too easy, so I'm going opposite. <br />
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<strong>Dallas -2 over Philly</strong><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/03oZco78sJ3sC/350x.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="195" src="http://cache.daylife.com/imageserve/03oZco78sJ3sC/350x.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm reading <em>Clock Management for Dummies</em>,<br />
I'll give it to you when I'm done."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Philly is toast. Repeat toast. This could be Andy Reid's last game. It could also be Jason Garrett's last game. It's a total COACH OFF. They should just settle things with a pre-game tractor race, Footloose style. <br />
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<strong>Houston +1 over Chicago</strong><br />
JJ Watt against Jay Cutler. Wouldn't be surprised to see Cutler come up with a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_wy8ebqKbA">little case of this</a> this Sunday. <br />
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<strong>Two games I don't care about:</strong> <br />
San Francisco -11.5 over St. Louis <br />
Pitt -12.5 over K.C. <br />
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Last week: 7-6 <br />
Overall record: 51-53-2 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-29739275187148224162012-11-02T16:49:00.001-07:002012-11-02T21:30:03.309-07:00Week 9 NFL Picks, Plus Mid-Season Awards We've come to the midpoint of another NFL season, so it's time for some reflection and review of the most valuable and least valuable players so far. There's nothing more cliche than doling out mid-season awards, but it's either this or review the Jets' trainwreck, and I'm not going down that road, it's too depressing. <br />
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<strong>AFC Half Season MVP Offense:</strong> <strong>Peyton Manning, Broncos</strong><br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.usatoday.net/sports/_photos/2012/09/09/Manning-off-and-running-in-Denver-9P28DSI5-x-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="146" src="http://i.usatoday.net/sports/_photos/2012/09/09/Manning-off-and-running-in-Denver-9P28DSI5-x-large.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Utah, get me two!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
There are some other fine candidates here, including Big Ben, Arian Foster and the scarf-loving, sheep-courting Tom Brady. But for me, it's Manning or GTFO. The man is playing on a spindly neck that's supporting a giant head that's barely attached to his spine and still getting it done despite a weaker arm. Meanwhile, I'm subjected to watching strongnecked Mark Sanchez fire balls into opposing D-lineman every week. <br />
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<strong>AFC Half Season LVP Offense: Shonne Greene, Jets </strong><br />
What a worthless running back. Greene runs with a refrigerator repair store on his back. He couldn't gain you a yard if you spotted him 2.9 feet. Of course he put together one great game against a terrible team to fool people into thinking he's still decent. I AM NOT IMPRESSED, SHONNE! <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2012/0923/20120923__20120924_B3_SP24FBNINSIDE~p1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="228" src="http://extras.mnginteractive.com/live/media/site36/2012/0923/20120923__20120924_B3_SP24FBNINSIDE~p1.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">J.J. Watt was built by Cyberdyne Systems in the year 2088.</td></tr>
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<strong>AFC Half-Season MVP Defense: J.J. Watt, Texans</strong><br />
J.J. Watt is possibly not born of this earth. Perhaps he was chiseled from a meteorite and fused with scalding hot magma. Or maybe he was sent from the future for the sole purpose of spiking quarterback's heads into the field turf and swatting their passes into the ionosphere (way higher than stratosphere). The Looper of defensive ends. Regardless, the fact is, he can't be bargained with. He can't be reasoned with. He doesn't feel pity remorse or fear. And he absolutely will not stop UNTIL QBs ARE DEAD....this scouting report is brought to you by Kyle Reese.<br />
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<strong>AFC Half-Season LVP Defense: Mario Williams, Bills </strong><br />
Williams makes a bejillion dollars and has three sacks and 13 tackles in 7 games and is terrible against the run. He's also Buffalo's best player. Well done, Bills. Runner up for this award? Any Jets linebacker. <br />
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<strong>NFC Half Season MVP Offense:</strong> <strong>Adrian Peterson, Vikings</strong> <br />
Tempted to give this to Matt Ryan, because the Falcons are undefeated and he's got no running game, but he does have outstanding receivers. So we go with Peterson, who's come back from a serious knee injury to lead the league in rushing. The dude is a beast. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.tcpalm.com/media/img/photos/2011/08/13/420110812212706001_t607.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://media.tcpalm.com/media/img/photos/2011/08/13/420110812212706001_t607.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Go free ball, you're better off without me carrying you."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>NFC Half Season LVP Offense:</strong> <strong>Michael Turner, Falcons</strong><br />
There are beached whales and there is Michael Turner. Beached whales have a better chance at gaining 3 yards a carry even with no opposable thumbs. This is the first year I've had Michael Turner on my fantasy team, because I am brilliant. He's had about 100 rushing attempts inside the 10 yard line this year and only scored 3 touchdowns. How efficient! Runner up: Michael Vick (and it was very close). <br />
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<strong>NFC Half Season MVP Defense: Tim Jennings, Bears</strong><br />
Jennings already has 6 interceptions and 13 passes defensed. He would have 21 interceptions if he got to face Jay Cutler every week. There's nothing like a shutdown corner. He makes me weep for my old friend Revis. Runner ups: Charles Tillman, Bears and Chad Greenway, Vikings, a tackling machine. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://footballhunger.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/09000d5d81b91688_gallery_600.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="156" src="http://footballhunger.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/09000d5d81b91688_gallery_600.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">DeAngelo Hall leads the league<br />
in Ghost Tackles.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>NFC Half-Season LVP Defense: DeAngelo Hall and the Redskins secondary</strong> Hall has always been one of the more overrated players in the league, but he's taken it to new heights this year, getting toasted enough times to make a Pop Tart envious. The Redskins secondary is on pace to give up more than 5,000 yards receiving. <br />
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<strong>Week 9 Picks:</strong> <br />
Denver -3.5 over Cincy <br />
Green Bay -11 over Arizona <br />
Miami -2 over Indy <br />
Cleveland +3.5 over Baltimore<br />
Buffalo +10.5 over Houston <br />
Carolina +3.5 over Washington <br />
Detroit -4 over Jacksonville <br />
Chicago -3.5 over Tennessee <br />
Seattle -4.5 over Minnesota <br />
Tampa +1.5 over Oakland<br />
Dallas +4 over Atlanta <br />
NYG -3.5 over Pittsburgh <br />
Philly +3.5 over New Orleans <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-38655387432777031632012-10-26T12:05:00.004-07:002012-10-26T13:45:18.386-07:00Don't Sleep on Brooklyn, Plus NFL Week 8 Picks <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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America's favorite NBA team, the New Jersey Nets, have moved to the great borough of Brooklyn, and I for one couldn't be happier. Okay, maybe they aren't the nation's favorite team, but they're in the top 30. Since the departure of Jason Kidd, the Nets have been a floundering franchise, finishing below .500 for the past five seasons. The bottom really fell out when they went an abysmal 12-70 in the '09-'10 season. The last three seasons have seen them go from historically suck-tastic to abhorrent to mildly objectionable.<br />
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But, this season things are changing, baby! This is largely thanks to their crazy Russian billionaire owner who just spent 2 million on Dom Perignon, guns and fog machines at a club in Ibiza in the time it took me to type this sentence. The guy knows how to party. Anyway, even though they embarrassingly missed out on trading for Dwight Howard, who needs him? He's got a bad back and he hasn't improved his post game or free throw shooting in 6 years. The Nets have still managed to quietly stockpile a deep and talented team. Their starting 5 is as follows:<br />
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PG: Deron Williams<br />
SG: Joe Johnson<br />
SF: Gerald Wallace<br />
PF: Kris Kardashian Humphries<br />
C: Brook Lopez<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://gothamist.com/attachments/Ellen%20T/2009_10_Prokhorov-.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://gothamist.com/attachments/Ellen%20T/2009_10_Prokhorov-.gif" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"After I finish my wine, I vill break you." </td></tr>
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Three of these players have been all stars and each one is above average to excellent for their positions. It could be argued Gerald Wallace is wildly overpaid and a bit over the hill, and sure he possesses one of the uglier jumpers in the game, but he can still rebound and defend. Though he gets more press for his ex-wife, and gets mercilessly booed in opposing arenas, Humphries (14 pts, 11 rbs per game last year) is actually an underrated power forward. Lopez is the question mark. He can be a 20-10 guy but he often avoids rebounds as if he'll catch herpes from them.<br />
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By contrast, let's look at the Knicks starting five: <br />
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PG: Ray Felton <br />
SG: J.R. Smith <br />
SF: Carmelo Anthony <br />
PF: Amare Stoudemire <br />
C: Tyson Chandler<br />
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The Knicks have talent, but there a lot more offensive black holes on that team. If you pass the ball on the Knicks, you won't see it again. The real difference between the two teams is on the bench. The Knicks bench includes the sadly washed up Jason Kidd, the always injured Marcus Camby and someone named Chris Copeland, who might be a made up simulation. <br />
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In past years, if you were a player on the Nets' bench it meant it was your last stop on the way to NBA oblivion, but this year it actually features some quality players. CJ Watson, Marshon Brooks, Reggie Evans, Tyshawn Taylor and the enigmatic Andre Blatche will provide a lot of energy, depth and craziness (Reggie Evans). Blatche is one of those infuriating NBA players that can be dominant one night and pathetic the next. If he can reach his potential, he makes the Nets a top 5 team in the East. And yes, better than the crosstown Knicks by a good margin. <br />
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My prediction for the Nets this year: 47-35 record and a first round upset of the Celtics followed by getting swept by the Heat in the 2nd round. After 5 terrible seasons, I'll take it. <br />
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<strong>Week 8 NFL Picks:</strong> <br />
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<strong>New England -7 over the Rams</strong>: Everyone knows Tom Brady prefers a <a href="http://karnsffl.files.wordpress.com/2010/07/brady.jpg">soft, gentle sheep</a> to a Ram, baaahhhh.<br />
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<strong>Tennessee -3.5 over Indy</strong>: The revenge of Chris Johnson will continue one more week and then he'll go back to sucking.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://chiefscommand.com/wp-content/uploads/phillip-rivers-cry-chargers-300x169.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://chiefscommand.com/wp-content/uploads/phillip-rivers-cry-chargers-300x169.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Damn you hands and arms, you've screwed me again!"</td></tr>
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<strong>Cleveland +3 over San Diego:</strong> I'm never taking San Diego again until Norv Turner or Phil Rivers is gone, preferably both.<br />
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<strong>Philly -2 over Atlanta:</strong> Vick rediscovers some ol' magic vs. his former team. Who's a good boy, Michael? Who's a good boy? Yes, you are! Woof! <br />
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<strong>Jacksonville +15.5 over Green Bay:</strong> Highest spread of the year because Jax has no MJD. But they do have plenty of MGD though, so live the High Life, fellas! <br />
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<strong>Seattle +2.5 over Detroit</strong>: The Lions should trademark "Goaline fumble!" <br />
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<strong>Jets -2.5 over Miami:</strong> Do not feel good about this one. At. All. <br />
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<strong>Chicago -8 over Carolina:</strong> Can't wait for Cam's press conference after this one! <br />
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<strong>Washington +4.5 over Pittsburgh</strong>: HOW DARE YOU give RGIII this many points. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/newspressnow.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/b/01/b016310f-54bd-5da9-9639-832293adb80e/507dea4ac7a3c.preview-300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://bloximages.newyork1.vip.townnews.com/newspressnow.com/content/tncms/assets/v3/editorial/b/01/b016310f-54bd-5da9-9639-832293adb80e/507dea4ac7a3c.preview-300.jpg" width="233" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Someone should have warned me that I<br />
might actually play."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<strong>K.C. -1.5 over Oakland</strong>: Brady Quinn vs. Carson Palmer...or as I call it, The Pick 6 Bowl. <br />
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<strong>Dallas +2 over Giants:</strong> Because Dallas just likes to mess with people. <br />
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<strong>N. Orleans +6 over Denver:</strong> This year, when in doubt, take the NFC. <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>San Fran -7 over Arizona</strong>: I don't like being subjected to these NFC West games in primetime. <br />
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Last week's record: 7-4<br />
Overall record: 48-49-2 <br />
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<br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-6741364360223956472012-10-19T16:36:00.001-07:002012-10-19T19:01:10.574-07:00NFL Week 7 Picks - Limerick Style <br />
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This week's picks will be presented as all prose should be presented....in Limerick form: <br />
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<strong>Buffalo -3 over Tennnessee </strong><br />
There once was a QB named Fitzpatrick<br />
With every throw he would make his fans sick<br />
Just give it to Spiller!<br />
The guy's a real killer<br />
But instead they go with the ol' Spastic <br />
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<strong>Minnesota -6 over Arizona </strong><br />
One of these teams is overrated and weak<br />
The team from the desert is the one which I speak<br />
The Vikings shall pillage <br />
The Cards' little village<br />
And upon their heads they shall take a nice leak <br />
<br />
<strong>Cleveland +2 over Indy</strong> <br />
Woe is the poor city of the Cleve<br />
Who's best athletes so quickly leave<br />
For tropical beaches<br />
Because they are leeches<br />
And the Browns' D is left a virtual sieve <br />
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<strong>Washington +6.5 over Giants</strong> <br />
The Giants should crush the Skins dead <br />
Rip out their hearts and concuss their heads<br />
But Griffin the Third<br />
Shall soar like a bird <br />
And manage to cover the spread <br />
<br />
<strong>Green Bay -5.5 over St. Louis</strong> <br />
Behold the great city of cheese <br />
Who's residents so often wheeze <br />
Out of shape they are<br />
Can't fit in their car<br />
Still the Pack will find the Rams a breeze <br />
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<strong>Dallas -2 over Carolina</strong> <br />
There once was a QB named Tony <br />
Who's greatness was a load of baloney<br />
Better to be Newton<br />
Who's always a scootin'<br />
And gets on better with his cronies<br />
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<strong>Jacksonville +4 over Oakland</strong> <br />
If the autumn wind be a Raider <br />
Then it must be arriving later<br />
For all I see is despair,<br />
A team that doesn't care,<br />
And a roster full of future waiters<br />
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<strong>N. Orleans -3 over Tampa</strong><br />
Who dat is gonna be dem Saints? <br />
This year it seems, who ain't? <br />
The suspensions have cost<br />
Yet all hope isn't lost<br />
Though their coach looks like he's gonna faint<br />
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<strong>New England -10.5 over Jets</strong><br />
Is it time to unleash the great Tebow? <br />
And when he sucks, then where will we go? <br />
Stick with the Mexican <br />
It's not a sexy plan<br />
But at least he has a clue how to throw<br />
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<strong>Pitt -1.5 over Cincy</strong> <br />
Oh what can we say of Big ol' Ben<br />
Who's nefarious ways embarrass men <br />
Beware him at the bar <br />
He'll take it too far<br />
He doesn't know when to say when<br />
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<strong>Baltimore +6.5 over Houston</strong><br />
So Ray Lewis is out for the year <br />
Will anyone shed but a tear?<br />
He's forgot how to hit,<br />
Has slowed more than a bit<br />
It's his limo that teams actually fear<br />
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Last week's picks: 8-5<br />
Overall record: 41-45-2 <br />
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<strong></strong><br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-15937527018470394282012-10-12T12:07:00.003-07:002012-10-12T14:19:36.723-07:00Week 6 NFL Picks! Plus, Reason #245,666 to Hate the Yankees<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://media.townhall.com/townhall/reu/ha/2012%5C284%5C2012-10-11T033354Z_1_CBRE89A09WW00_RTROPTP_3_BASEBALL.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="163" src="http://media.townhall.com/townhall/reu/ha/2012%5C284%5C2012-10-11T033354Z_1_CBRE89A09WW00_RTROPTP_3_BASEBALL.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Great job pretending to be happy, A-Rod!" </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Before we get to the picks, let's talk about baseball real quick. The New York Yankees never cease to amaze me with their perpetual good fortune. This year, they acquired Raul Ibanez, who by all accounts was a cadaver in Philly last year. His value was -2.3 WAR, which means he was one of the worst everyday players in the game. Couldn't run, field or hit. Couldn't even drive I'm told because he'd lost his vision and drove through a Farmer's Market in January. Twenty-nine other teams didn't want him. <br />
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Even this year, he only batted .240 for the Yanks, but "hit" 19 homers because anyone could hit 19 homers in the wiffle ball park that is Yankee Stadium. Then, the postseason rolls around and that magical Yankee mojo morphs him into Roy Hobbs. First Scott Brosius, now this. It's really the worst. Meanwhile, the Mets paid Jason Bay 16 million to bat .160 for them this season. Any person considering becoming a Yankee fan should really <a href="http://www.tauntr.com/content/tauntr-presents-pizza-douche-2">just look at this GIF</a> and then decide after that. <br />
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What I'm really trying to say is ....GO ORIOLES! On to the picks: <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.gritfx.com/popcornclassics/images/design_delboca.gif" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="123" src="http://www.gritfx.com/popcornclassics/images/design_delboca.gif" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Brandon Weeden is heading here soon.</td></tr>
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<strong>Cincinnati at Cleveland</strong> (Off the Board) <br />
Rumor has it this game has been taken off the board by Vegas because the Browns have cut their entire team and are holding open auditions this week. Mark Wahlberg may be returning kicks for them on Sunday. Don't worry, Brandon Weeden is resting comfortably at the Del Boca Vista Retirement Condos. Bengals 26 Browns 12<br />
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<strong>Detroit +4 at Philly </strong>I have a real problem with the whole "half the distance to the goaline" penalties. Why so forgiving with the redistrubution of yards, NFL? Are you commies? Or just worried an embarrasing safety might occur? Safeties are delightful and there should be more of them. I say move that shit back to the 1 yard line and too effing bad, you shouldn't have committed that penalty, cheater. <br />
Eagles 27 Detroit 24. <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2012/05/20/sports/web_photos/tony_sparano02--300x300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://www.nypost.com/rw/nypost/2012/05/20/sports/web_photos/tony_sparano02--300x300.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Yes, more twirling, now everyone<br />
look confused! I'm a mad genius!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>Indy +3 at Jets</strong><br />
The Jets offense is a freaking Chinese fire drill on bath salts. Just look at this man, Tony Sparano, to the left. Would you trust SuperMario here to run an offense? At any given time there's 32 men in the huddle and not one of them know what the hell they are doing. They may as well hold their huddle in a clown car or the floor of the Stock Exchange. I'll say this, if you want to play Tebow, play him for an entire drive and see what he does, enough with the on-and-off the field every other damn play shenanigans. PICK A SIDE. Jets 16 Colts 10 <br />
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<strong>Oakland +9 at ATL </strong><br />
The Raiders had a bye last week and were missed by absolutely no one. It's too bad the NFL isn't like Premier League soccer where we could demote the terrible teams to the lower leagues. "Sorry, Carson Palmer, you'll be playing the Arizona Rattlers of the Arena League this week." The Raiders spent their bye week visiting all the lovely sites of Oakland. And the other 6.9 days they were drunk.<br />
Falcons 34 Raiders 20 <br />
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<strong>New England -3.5 at Seattle </strong>Anyone else watch that <a href="http://espn.go.com/blog/playbook/trending/post/_/id/8475/rob-gronkowski-is-highlighted-on-e60">Gronkowski piece on ESPN's E-60</a>? What a meathead. I wish he was on the Jets and hate myself for that. Just about every game the Seahawks play is exactly the same....4 of their 5 final scores so far: 16-12, 19-13, 20-16 and 14-12. It's ugly, field-goal filled football. Good luck holding the Patriots under 20. Maybe they should get 'lil Russell Wilson some lifts in his cleats so he can see over the offensive line. Pats 28 Seahawks 17 <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.rowthree.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/7Psychopaths_560.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="161" src="http://www.rowthree.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/08/7Psychopaths_560.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">We are four psychos short here, c'mon fellas! </td></tr>
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<strong>Dallas +3.5 at Baltimore</strong><br />
I'm excited to see the movie <em>Seven Psychopaths</em>. I like the theory behind this film, because usually an action movie only has one psychopath, and that character is always the best. So this film will surely be 7 times as good as the normal action movie. It's simple math. I also appreciate them telling me in advance how many psychopaths there will be. I don't like to be caught unawares and then I'm all like, "What, another psychopath? WHY WASN'T I WARNED?!" <br />
Ravens 24 Cowboys 20 <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong>Minnesota at Washington (Off the board)</strong> <br />
Oof, another off the board game. Come on Vegas, Daddy needs some shoes! This one is off because of Robert Griffin III's hurt noggin'. If one were allowed to invest in someone's future health, and I had an investment in RGIII, right now I'd be saying "SELL, SELL!" <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://vlsportysexycool.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Kyle-Williams-goat.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="233" src="http://vlsportysexycool.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Kyle-Williams-goat.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"It's cool, Kyle. No one will remember these fumbles next year."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>NYG +5 at San Fran</strong> <br />
The NFC Championship rematch. The 49ers are getting some huge love here, but this line is too high. Kyle Williams will be having some <em>Jacob's Ladder</em> like 'Nam like flashbacks in this one. Someone should hold his hand. <br />
49ers 28 Giants 27<br />
<strong><br />Houston -3.5 vs. Green Bay</strong><br />
The Texans have to lose sometime, and they actually didn't look very good against the Jets last week. Packers 31 Texans 27 <br />
<strong></strong><br />
<strong> Kansas City +3.5 at Tampa</strong> <br />
The Chief fans apparently cheered after Matt Cassel was injured last week. I expect that kind of behavior from Philly, but not the fine people of KC, which is renowned for its good bbq, gentle nature and consummate gentlemen. Shame on you guys. Tampa 20 KC 14 <br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://sports.cbsimg.net/u/photos/football/nfl/img19826834.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="112" src="http://sports.cbsimg.net/u/photos/football/nfl/img19826834.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"This frustrated smirk will distract people <br />
from my infuriated forehead."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong>San Diego -1.5 vs. Denver</strong><br />
It's becoming alarming how red Peyton Manning's head gets after removing his helmet. Can someone get him a different helmet? Maybe one <a href="http://buffalosabresnation.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/the-great-gazoo.jpg">like this</a>? Chargers 27 Broncos 20 <br />
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<strong>Buffalo +4.5 at Arizona </strong>Buffalo can't stop the run, but lucky for them just about every Arizona running back is hurt. I hear Johnny Johnson may start for them this week. I say the resistable object loses to the movable force in an upset. <br />
Bills 23 Cards 20 <br />
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<strong>St. Louis +3.5 at Miami</strong><br />
Two plucky teams meet up here in a game that not many will watch. This rookie Rams kicker Zuerlein is something, though. Look for some hot field goal action down in Miami this weekend and dress accordingly. Dolphins 20 Rams 16 <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last Week's record: 4-10 (facepalm) </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Overall Record: 33-40-2 </span><br />
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Stay frosty, everybody! <br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"></span><br />David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-86034581961535612662012-10-05T12:51:00.001-07:002013-01-04T15:32:59.896-08:00Inside Hollywood - The Pitch for "Taken 2" <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/taken2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="193" src="http://www.ifc.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/06/taken2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Here at the Deep Dish we again take you behind the velvet ropes for a glimpse at how movies get made. This time we visit the pitch meeting for <em id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725195">Taken 2</em> (in theatres now!). How exactly can Liam Neesen get mixed up in more international intrigue? How could another kidnapping possibly be made believable (hint: it can't!)? Luckily, our fiber-optic recording devices, which are no more improbable than the plot of this movie, have allowed us to listen in as director Olivier Megaton (yes, that's his name) meets with his producers. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_134946299272581">Producer:</strong> I gotta be honest, I'm onboard with this, and I don't even need to hear the plot. "Taken 2" is all I need to hear! </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_134946299272583">Megaton:</strong> Ha-ha, you know it, my babies! Here's a quick plot summary: Instead of the daughter getting kidnapped, this time it'll be the ex-wife. Totally different ramifications! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725107">Asst. Producer:</strong> I was wondering about the title. Is it catchy enough? How about "Re-Taken" or "Twice Taken" or wait for it...."The Double Take"? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725103">Producer :</strong> I thought I told you not to talk. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725136">Megaton</strong><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725140">: </strong>The real star of this movie will be Istanbul. I mean, what a city! So many gorgeous buildings for me to blow up. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725175">Producer:</strong> It will be important to have more</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">scenes where Neeson's character says "listen to me very carefully...". That's what the people love. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725169">Megaton:</strong> I've figured out a way to use that 19 times in this movie. One supporting character will be hard of hearing, so Neeson will keep saying that line to him, and then he'll explain his particular set of skills every single time! The audience will be saying it aloud with him by the end! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725173">Producer:</strong> Brilliant! </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong id="yui_3_2_0_18_1349462992725202">Megaton</strong>: How many people would you like Neeson to kill in this movie? Right now it's at about 52, but I can certainly make it more. He also breaks 12 bones per minute, which is the highest ratio since Segal's classic "Hard to Kill." </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Asst. Producer:</strong> Wouldn't the Turkish authorities have a big problem with 52 dead people in Instanbul in a span of 1 day? That's like a catastrophic event. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Megaton:</strong> You really are an idiot, aren't you? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Asst. Producer:</strong> Also, even though Maggie Grace is 29, her character is apparently still in college without a driver's license? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Producer:</strong> Seriously, you are <em>this</em> close to being fired. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Megaton:</strong> Okay, sounds like we're good to go here...now let's start talking about my idea for <em>The Grey 2: Greyer than Grey. </em>We open on him sleeping in a cave underneath a wolf-skin blanket, a light snow is falling, a hawk cries out in the distance ... </span></div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-59190863548210529362012-10-04T15:32:00.000-07:002012-10-04T17:06:07.513-07:00NFL Week 5 Picks! Plus, Top Ten Reasons the Jets Suck<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://l.yimg.com/iu/api/res/1.2/3rHFekYQhjFb.opyGaLRMg--/YXBwaWQ9eXZpZGVvO2NoPTIyNTg7Y3I9MTtjdz0yMjU4O2R4PTE7ZHk9MTtmaT11bGNyb3A7aD02MDA7cT0xMDA7dz02MDA-/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/gettyimages.com/san-francisco-49ers-v-york-20120930-111629-809.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://l.yimg.com/iu/api/res/1.2/3rHFekYQhjFb.opyGaLRMg--/YXBwaWQ9eXZpZGVvO2NoPTIyNTg7Y3I9MTtjdz0yMjU4O2R4PTE7ZHk9MTtmaT11bGNyb3A7aD02MDA7cT0xMDA7dz02MDA-/http://media.zenfs.com/en_us/News/gettyimages.com/san-francisco-49ers-v-york-20120930-111629-809.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The 49ers D-line gave birth to a bouncing baby Mark Sanchez on Sunday</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After three weeks of terrible NFL picks, I totally redeemed myself, going 12-2 last week. I can resume wearing gold chains and unbuttoning my Hawaiian shirts down to the navel, because that's what good prognosticators do! Who am I kidding, I never stopped. We're back in business, baby! On to the picks. </span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Houston -9.5 at Jets</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's time for my annual "Why the Jets Suck" rant, which is coming a few weeks earlier than usual. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's do it in a top 10 list format. It's really not all Mark Sanchez's fault. While he's a factor, there are bigger reasons why this is one of the worst Jets teams since the Kotite years: </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">10) Coaching - Rex Ryan has not only lost weight, he's lost his mind. He's terrible at clock management, and even worse, he keeps several of his better players on the bench (Coples, McKnight) in place of inferior starters. The one thing he is responsible for on this team is the defense, and it's awful. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">9) Punting - A team that punts so often should acquire a decent punter, don't ya think? All Jets punters are rejected dancers from "A Chorus Line". </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">8) Owner - Woody Johnson wants Tebow to start and has also stated he'd be fine with the Jets finishing below .500 if it meant Mitt Romney could win the election. Allow me to retort: As Jets fans we don't give a shit who you want to win the election. We want you to put a decent team on the field, and not a freaking circus. Until you do that...shut your effing cank-hole." </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">7) Running backs: Shonne Greene would be better suited to be a zombie extra on "The Walking Dead". He's that mobile. </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.usatoday.net/sports/gallery/2010/NFL/WeeklyGallery/week12/c2pg-vertical.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://i.usatoday.net/sports/gallery/2010/NFL/WeeklyGallery/week12/c2pg-vertical.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The always elusive Shonne Greene.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">6) Mark Sanchez: He's earned his spot here by not improving at all over 4 seasons. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">5) Tim Tebow: Has anyone seen the plays they've run with him? They are hilarious in their futility, and he looks slower than ever. Everytime he runs on the field, the entire offense becomes the Keystone cops...leading to reason 4</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">4) Tony Sparano: This clown bragged about his Wildcat all offseason, and it's TERRIBLE. Now, all he's done is bring in failed Dolphins like Lex Hilliard, Patrick Turner, Clyde Gates. What, you couldn't get us Pat White, too Tony? You incompetent jackass. Sparano makes Brian Schottenheimer look smart. That is an impossible feat. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">3) The Fans: Somehow it's our fault, because we've chosen to watch this crap and support this team financially. </span><br />
<div class="ms__id1436" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">2) The Larry King linebackers: Keeping washed up vets like Bryan Thomas and Bart Scott around has resulted in the Jets having one of the worst linebacking cores in football.</span></div>
<div class="ms__id1436" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">1) GM Mike Tannenbaum: Singularly responsible for awful draft picks (Kyle Wilson, Vernon Gholston), poor trades (Tebow) and ill-advised free agent signings (Plaxico Burress). BRAVO, YOU ASSHAT! <br />Texans 41 Jets 9 </span><br />
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Arizona +1.5 at St. Louis</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The poor NFL Network, they get the absolute worst games. You really can't find a less interesting matchup than these two teams. Well, unless Cleveland is involved, but that goes without saying. But, will you watch? OF COURSE YOU WILL. Because you added Andre Roberts to your fantasy team and he will catch 1 ball for 8 yards this week and you will curse your own idiocy. The Cards are the worst and most boring 4-0 team you'll ever see. I'm going mild upset here. Rams 20 Cards 16 </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Atlanta -3 at Washington</strong> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The Falcons are rolling, even though Carolina's Ron Rivera should have got their game ball last week for punting on 4th and 1 with Cam Newton. Rivera used to work under Norv Turner. SHOCKING. Falcons 30 Skins 24 </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Philly +3.5 at Pittsburgh</strong> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ah, the battle for Pennsylvania bragging rights. Never has there been less at stake. At 1-2, the Steelers need this game more and Big Ben has taken to this season like a backwater Mississippi bar...he's just crushing it, Brosephs. Pitt 23 Philly 17
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://anyguey.guanabee.com/media/uploads/rivera-ron_medium.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="136" src="http://anyguey.guanabee.com/media/uploads/rivera-ron_medium.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ron Rivera gives a PowerPoint<br />
presentation on cowardice.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Giants +10 vs. Cleveland</strong>
</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">At this point you just can't ever take the Giants as heavy favorites at home. On the road? Sure. But not in the swamp, even against the Cleve. Giants 28 Cleveland 21 </span><br />
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<div class="ms__id1443" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Seattle +3 at Carolina</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Everybody off the Russell Wilson bandwagon! The ride is over. Exit carefully down the steps, and the driver does accept tips. Carolina allowed Michael Turner to catch a short pass and run over 60 yards last week. If you can't catch Michael Turner for 60 yards, you should just give up. Ron Rivera has sure validated everyone's skepticism about his ability to be a head coach. Thanks, Ron! Carolina 23 Seahawks 13 </span><br />
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<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://i.usatoday.net/communitymanager/_photos/the-huddle/2012/08/24/Wilson-2x-large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://i.usatoday.net/communitymanager/_photos/the-huddle/2012/08/24/Wilson-2x-large.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Sadly, Russell Wilson has lost his ability<br />
to make guys flip with his mind.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Green Bay -7 at Indy</span></strong></div>
<div class="ms__id1444" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">This spread seems surprisingly low. The Colts just lost to a terrible Jag team at home. If you ever want a good laugh, check out Colts owner <a href="https://twitter.com/JimIrsay">Jim Irsay's Twitter account</a>. He's insane, and not the good kind of insane, like 1980s Robin Williams insane. He's like Manson-insane. Check out this tweet from Sept. 26: "Andy Williams dead at 84....DEAD at 84!" You don't have to be all happy about it, jerk. From Sept. 27: "He went to Paris,looking for answers,to questions that bothered him so...some of it's magic..and some of it's tragic!" I mean...WTF? This guy owns a football team. Packers 34 Colts 12 </span><br />
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<div class="ms__id1446" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Tennessee +5.5 at Minnesota</strong> </span></div>
<div class="ms__id1447" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Congrats to Chris Johnson for proving he still understands which direction to run on occasion. Minnesota is looking mighty fine this year. Somebody <a href="http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1113465/index.htm">rent a boat and get the lake party started</a>! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Vikings 21 Titans 17 </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://portraitarts.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/d_bowe_0902071.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://portraitarts.files.wordpress.com/2009/10/d_bowe_0902071.jpg" width="239" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ok, 4th quarter, down by 30...it's D-Bowe time!"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<strong><span style="font-family: inherit;">Baltimore -6 at KC</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Another strangely low line considering Kansas City usually gives up 21 points before the coin toss. Garbage time should just be dubbed "Dwayne Bowe time" from now on. There's no better receiver when the game has been decided. An Ed Reed pick 6 is inevitable in this one. Also inevitable? A moving pre-game speech by Ray Lewis in front of the cameras. I wonder if he rehearses those speeches in front of his mirror in the morning. I bet he does using a hairbrush as a microphone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Ravens 26 Chiefs 10 </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>San Diego +3 at New Orleans</strong> </span></div>
<div class="ms__id1447" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: normal;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Who dat think they can go 0-5? The Saints do! It's delightful that San Diego is setting itself up for another late season fade where Norv Turner blows it, then signs a contract extension thru 2019. Saints 30 Chargers 28 </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><strong>Denver +7 over New England</strong> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">OMG, it's Manning vs. Brady! On the same field! Who can we gush over more? Kindly pass me a barf bag, please. None of us deserves this. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Pats 34 Broncos 31 </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">The rest: </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Jacksonville +5.5 over Chicago </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Cincy -4 over Miami </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">San Fran -9 over Buffalo </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Last Week's record: 12-2 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Overall Record: 29-30-2 </span></div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-36097884871396709422012-09-28T09:48:00.002-07:002012-09-28T09:48:56.895-07:00Week 4 NFL Picks! Hail Hochuli! <table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.sportsgrid.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Ed-Hochuli.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="http://www.sportsgrid.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Ed-Hochuli.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Yes, you are not worthy of me or my guns."</td></tr>
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Are we having fun yet? What a chaotic week for the NFL. So it turns out the Monday Night debacle/fiasco/circus/atrocity may have actually been a good thing for everyone (except Green Bay, sorry guys), because it was the last nail in the coffin on the grand replacement ref experiment of 2012. As far as "grand experiments" go it was slightly better than the last few years of Joe Paterno's reign, but definitely worse than New Coke and the new taco-flavored Doritos. And I'm still mad about it. Now the old refs are back and we can start hating them again as soon as they make their first terrible call, which won't take long, I guarantee it. <br />
<br />
Fifty years from now, that last Seahawks drive will still be remembered as the gold standard of refereeing incompetence. I'm not going to say it was fixed....I'm going to shout it..."IT WAS F#$#$ING FIXED!!!" Okay, I feel better. To believe it wasn't fixed is to believe that our fellow man can be so stupid and utterly cowardly in the face of adversity. I'd prefer to just think them crooked. I could easily see one of these refs accepting a huge cash payout from a shady hoodlum at the top of the Space Needle in Seattle on Tuesday morning. TRUST NO ONE. <br />
<br />
Just so we have it down for posterity, let's review the three mind-numbingly horrible calls in the last 2 minutes. <br />
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<strong>Play 1:</strong> Possibly the worst roughing the passer penalty ever called that did not involve Tom Brady: Russell Wilson rolls right out of the pocket before uncorking an interception that mostly likely ends the game right there considering the field position the Pack would have had and the time remaining. Once a QB leaves the pocket like that, he's no longer under his invisible shield of protection that I like to call the "Brady Don't Even Touch My Hair Zone." Regardless, the hit was clean and it wasn't late. Watching the replay, a flabbergasted Jon Gruden states, "I just don't see these...". Watch how the ref drops the flag there, too. He's like, "ehhh, what the hell." Then he skulks away like he's leaving a crime scene. WHICH HE IS. <br />
<br />
<strong>Play 2:</strong> This play is actually the worst of all, but is overshadowed by the play to follow. Sydney Rice basically assaults Sam Shields down the sideline on a go route. Shields covers the play as good and as clean as a cornerback can cover it. He gets inside position, looks backs towards the ball and makes a play on it. Textbook. Meanwhile, he's basically being felt up and violated by a very randy Rice and his busy hands. Rice even pulls Shields' facemask in the process. At least buy him dinner next time, Sydney. <br />
<br />
<strong>Play 3:</strong> This travesty of a play has been replayed and evaluated ad nauseum by now, and obviously, the offensive PI if called makes everything that happens after it moot. But one thing to remember about "simultaneous" catches: Per the rule, if one player has initial possession, it doesn't become simultaneous possession after the fact. You can't slap an index finger on there and say, "I've got it." Catching the ball is a process, from getting your hands on it initially, to gathering it in and bringing it to your chest. Golden Tate never does any of this. <br />
<br />
There is actually a faction of people out there (like Seattle coach/cheerleader Pete Carroll) who believe this was a catch. To those people I say, you are THE WORST and you should be trapped in a room with Sydney Rice, so he can give you the business. Golden Tate's comments at the end there are really fantastic, I wish he was hooked up to a polygraph. And if he failed the polygraph, he would be electro-shocked. <br />
<br />
Okay, let's just pretend this all never happened, and get on to the picks: <br />
<br />
<br />
New England -4 over Buffalo <br />
Minnesota +4.5 over Detroit <br />
Atlanta - 7.5 over Carolina <br />
49ers -4.5 over Jets (lock of the week) <br />
Tennessee +12.5 over Houston <br />
San Diego -1.5 over K.C. <br />
St. Louis +3 over Seattle <br />
Denver -7 over Oakland <br />
Cincinnati -2 over Jacksonville <br />
N. Orleans +7.5 over Green Bay<br />
Chicago +3.5 over Dallas <br />
Philly -1.5 over NYG <br />
Washington +3 over Tampa <br />
Miami +6 over Arizona <br />
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<strong>Season Record:</strong> 17-28-2 (the comeback begins...now!) <br />
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-87284026228911581002012-09-21T22:58:00.001-07:002012-09-22T10:27:15.750-07:00Week 3 NFL Picks! <div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://sportige.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Jay-Cutler.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="177" src="http://sportige.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Jay-Cutler.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">It's a whole new Jay Cutler this year!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Everyone is freaking out about these terrible replacement refs. They've been abysmal, but it hasn’t altered my enjoyment of the games too much just yet. It seems to me they’re calling more penalties than normal, which is a dumb move. Better to just let everything go. You’ll catch more flak over the calls you make and screw up, then the calls you don’t. And that’s one to grow on. On to the games! <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Chicago -7.5 vs. St. Louis</b> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Well, the Bears came crashing back down to earth in delightful fashion against the Packers, complete with the classic Cutler meltdown face. Everyone was saying “The Bears are Back!” while forgetting they were playing the Colts in week 1. Meanwhile Danny Amandola-oblongata or whatever his name is caught about 25 passes last week for the Rams. Sure, it was only for like 50 yards, but he provides VOLUME. If it’s 2<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">nd</span></sup> down and 8, he’ll get you to 3<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup>and 6. If it’s 4<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> down and 3, he’ll get you to 5<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> down and 1. With these refs, there could be a 5<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> down, you never know! The Rams are feisty enough to hang around in this one. Bears 20 Rams 16 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>San Fran -7 at Minnesota</b></span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Niners seem to be heading towards becoming the Super Bowl favorite, and for some reason I just don’t like them. I think it’s their tan pants. Unless you’re golfing or on safari, tan just isn’t a good sporting look. 49ers 27 Vikings 10</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/879/890/hi-res-6565118_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="135" src="http://img.bleacherreport.net/img/images/photos/001/879/890/hi-res-6565118_crop_exact.jpg?w=650&h=440&q=75" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Johnson explodes for a no yard gain.</td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><b id="yui_3_2_0_18_134826723487660" style="font-family: Calibri;">K.C. +9 at New Orleans</b><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">New Orleans is getting served a hot steaming bowl of gumbo flavored comeuppance thus far. They need to realize Pierre Thomas is clearly better than Ingram, and not just because he’s on my fantasy team. Well, mostly because of that. Also, did you know Marques Colston is a seventh round pick from Hofstra? They only say it every damn time he catches a pass. Saints 38 Chiefs 31</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<b style="font-family: Calibri;">NYJ -3 at Miami</b> <span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Reggie Bush is good again, guys. He’s so good, USC should give him another house. I think I’ve figured this Jets team out. They will beat the bad teams and lose to every good team, it’s that easy. Ok, they may also lose to some bad teams, but not this week. Someone please put an APB out on Stephen Hill. Jets 24 Miami 17 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Tampa +8 at Dallas</b> </span><br />
One thing these replacement refs are missing is remembering to stop the clock when a guy gets tackled out of bounds. A guy can be tackled into the gatorade cooler, and these jackasses are still waving their arms around for the clock to run. It's like they have a tee time to catch or something. Cowboys 30 Bucs 16<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><b id="yui_3_2_0_18_134826723487681" style="font-family: Calibri;">Philly -3.5 at Arizona</b><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I’m not sure Arizona has a 1<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">st</span></sup> down yet this season, but they’re 2-0. Eagles 27 Cards 20 (Lock of the </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">week). </span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/248/303/92998746_display_image.jpg?1275745015" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://cdn.bleacherreport.net/images_root/slides/photos/000/248/303/92998746_display_image.jpg?1275745015" width="163" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">San Diego motorists: beware this<br />
man on Sunday night.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><br /></span><b style="font-family: Calibri;">San Diego -3 vs. Atlanta</b><span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Tough one to call here. Atlanta has zero run game but can throw the bejeesus out of the ball. Michael Turner is so bad, he’s now hitting the bottle. Maybe the beer muscles will give him the courage to break a tackle this week! Hopefully, the beer goggles also make him hit on Matt Ryan in the huddle, that’d be funny. San Diego has beaten no one of substance (Oak and Tenn), but have looked good doing it. When in doubt, go against Norv Turner. Falcons 34 Chargers 28 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Cincinnati +3 at Washington </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The Rams really pushed around RG3 last weekend and he looked like a different QB, but definitely more like a typical Redskin QB. Skins 26 Cincy 21 </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><br /></b></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">Houston -2 at Denver</b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Uh-oh, looks like Peyton Manning may have the ol’ noodle arm Nancy syndrome. As a one-time fan of Chad Pennington, I can tell you this will not end well. It ends with wide receivers getting knocked into next week while awaiting fluttering, paper airplane-like passes from their QB. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Houston 28 Denver 23</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong><br /></strong></span>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>Pittsburgh -4.5 at Oak</strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Al Davis must be spinning in his grave. Admittedly, that joke was funnier to say when he was alive. I still say he should be propped up on the sidelines, Weekend at Bernie's style. It would boost ticket sales, and I'm sure Andrew McCarthy and Jonathan Silverman are available to hang out with him. Pitt 21 Oak 9</span>
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<b style="font-family: Calibri;">Detroit -3.5 at Tennessee</b><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One of the few things I’ve been right about this year is that the Titans are terrible. Not sure why this line is -3.5 when Chris Johnson is averaging 1.1 yards per carry. 1.1! I’m pretty sure I could average 1.1 yards per carry in the NFL. Sure, I’d be dead or comatose by carry #3, but I would fall forward and average 1.5 yards, dammit. And then there’d be a 30 for 30 documentary questioning why I was ever allowed on the field, and how the Jets need to pay for allowing me to run the ball to my death. I love imagining impossible scenarios. Lions 31 Titans 20</span></div>
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<strong style="font-family: Calibri;">Cleveland +3 vs. Buffalo</strong><span id="yui_3_2_0_18_134826723487675" style="font-family: Times New Roman;"></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" id="yui_3_2_0_18_134826723487666" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Calibri; font-style: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; margin-left: 1em; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://dorquemada.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/rm-15-fireball.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="194" src="http://dorquemada.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/rm-15-fireball.jpg" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Do not mess with Jim Brown, AKA Fireball. </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong></strong>Hold off that funeral for Brandon Weeden's career for at least a couple more weeks. Speaking of a couple weeks, what a fortnight it's been for C.J. Spiller. The last running back to average 10+ yards per carry over the first two weeks in a season (min. 25 carries) was Jim Brown. When your name gets mentioned in the same sentence as Jim Brown, you've done something special. Just don't <a href="http://www.clevescene.com/cleveland/stiff-arming-history/Content?oid=2855205">throw your girlfriend out a window</a>, C.J. Let Jim Brown be alone in that sentence. Cleveland 17-Buffalo 16</span></div>
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<strong><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jacksonville +3.5 at Indy</span></strong><br />
Ahh, the AFC South, where dreams go to die. This game may or may not contain a football-like substance. If Siciliano cuts to this game for even 1 play on the Red Zone Channel, I'm driving to Culver City and pinning his ears to the wall. Or writing a strongly worded letter. Probably the second one. Colts 16 Jags 12 </div>
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><b>Green Bay -3.5 at Seattle </b></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Time for my pet peeve of the week: Neighbors who must mow their lawn at 7:30 a.m. every damn weekend. Why, why, why? How bout you vacuum inside your house with the windows shut instead, you anal, short-grass obsessed monster! Packers 23 Seahawks 17 </span><br />
<br />
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<b style="font-family: Calibri;">New England +3 at Baltimore</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">It was nice to see Belichick morph into Norv Turner last week. 1st down with a minute left on the 25 yard line and he curls up like a ball and waits for his kicker to miss. Glorious. Apparently, the Patriots are no longer enamored with Wes Welker, and he's been riding the pine in favor of Julian Edelman. They are rabid anti-trollites. That's racist. Ravens 24 Pats 13</span><br />
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<o:p></o:p></span>David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5633489012569812444.post-39618396087773846872012-09-14T13:17:00.002-07:002012-09-14T13:17:13.411-07:00Pinky Higgins: Obscure Baseball Player of the Week, Plus Week 2 NFL Picks<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~mjhiggins/pinky-higgins2.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="165" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looks a little like Johnny Damon doesn't he?</td></tr>
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<a href="http://freepages.genealogy.rootsweb.ancestry.com/~mjhiggins/pinky-higgins2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><br />
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Our critically acclaimed <a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2012/05/obscure-baseball-player-of-week-billy.html">Obscure Baseball Player series </a>returns! This week we focus on <a href="http://www.baseball-reference.com/players/h/higgipi01.shtml">Pinky Higgins</a>. You just don't find many better names than this. Michael Franklin "Pinky" Higgins was born in a shotgun shack in Red Oak, Texas in 1909. When his dad first saw him throw a baseball at age 3, he said, "well looky, looky, looky here-ahh, I say, I say, I say this little whippah-snappah can throw that spheroid!" Interestingly, his dad would later become the inspiration for Looney Tunes' Foghorn Leghorn character. </div>
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There are differing reports on how Higgins earned the nickname that would haunt him for all his days. Some say it was because as a boy "Pinky" was his imaginary friend. Others say it was because his left pinkey toe was mangled in a tractor accident. Still others say it was because someone else in town already had the nickname "stinkey", and Red Oak was a town that liked themselves some rhymes. </div>
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What is known is that if you called him Pinky to his face, he would give you a deathly stare and challenge you to immediate fistacuffs. </div>
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Pinky was actually a very solid player for most of his career. In his rookie year of 1933 he batted .313 with 13 homers and 99 RBIs for the Philadelphia A's. In 1937 he was traded to the Boston Red Sox for a bucket of balls, some tomato soup cans and a pack of smokes. It was an insulting trade, but not uncommon in the Depression era. </div>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.baseballprospectus.com/card/images/headshot_23415.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://www.baseballprospectus.com/card/images/headshot_23415.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's Pinky in a<br />
happy moment.</td></tr>
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For a couple of glorious days in June of 1938 he was arguably the greatest player in the world. He recorded hits in 12 straight at bats, a record that still stands today. He appeared in three All Star Games and unlike most of his contemporary glory-hungry patriots, he didn't go off to World War 2 until 1945. He obviously wanted to make sure we were winning first. </div>
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Later he became a manager for the Boston Red Sox and was known as very easy-going. He rarely visited the mound to talk to his pitchers, saying "You can't tell 'em anything new." Surprisingly, his teams never won the World Series with that ground-breaking "who gives a crap" approach. But, for overcoming his unfortunate nickname, Dave's Deep Dish salutes Pinky Higgins. </div>
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<strong>WEEK NFL PICKS:</strong> </div>
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Giants -7 vs. Tampa - Giants 31-Tampa 16 </div>
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Arizona +13.5 at NE - New England 34-Arizona 14 </div>
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Indy +1.5 vs. Minn - Vikings 24 - Colts 21 </div>
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New Orleans -2.5 at Carona- Saints 27 - Carolina 24 </div>
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Buffalo -3.5 vs. K.C. - Bills 23 - Chiefs 17 </div>
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Jets +6.5 at Pitt - Steelers 21 - Jets 20 </div>
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Philly -2 vs. Balt. - Ravens 26 Eagles 16 </div>
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Cincy -7 vs. Cleveland - Bengals 20 Cleve. 6 </div>
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Oak -2.5 at Miami - Oakland 14 Miami 10 </div>
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San Diego -6 vs. Tenn - San Diego 28 Tennessee 17</div>
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Detroit +6.5 at S.F. - Lions 24 Niners 23 </div>
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Dallas -3 at Seattle - Cowboys 20 Seahawks 14 </div>
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Wash -3 at St. Louis - Rams 31 Skins 30 </div>
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Houston -7.5 at Jax - Texans 35 Jags 21 </div>
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Atlanta -3 vs. Denver - Falcons 28 Broncos 27</div>
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<strong>Last week's record:</strong> 6-10 (just awful) </div>
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<strong><a href="http://davesdeepdish.blogspot.com/2012/09/the-shutdown-of-stephen-strasburg.html">this week</a></strong>: 1-0 </div>
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David Gawkowskihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02464855049279500305noreply@blogger.com0