Friday, January 4, 2013

NFL Wild Card Picks!

"Karate here...not here, Daniel-son!"

Is there a more depressing moment than throwing out your Christmas tree? It's so sad, like walking the Green Mile. "You've brought us great joy sweet tree, but you see... we don't need you anymore, and you're shedding and hogging up space, SO EAT SOME CURB!" It's another reason to dislike the month of January. The holidays are over, and it's back to the old grind and short winter days. But, the next three weekends also provide what Don King likes to call the "splendiforous resplenditude of NFL fabulousity."

Some rules to remember for the Wild Card round: at least one road team will win, at least one home will win in a blow-out and one team that everyone loves will come out and stink. On to the picks...

The Ravens need a big game
from Flacco this week.
Indy +6.5 over Baltimore 
So Ray Lewis is retiring? I don't buy it, this guy will play til he's 50 and will retire and un-retire 8 more times. Like TNT, he knows drama. Lewis hasn't really been good in four years, but he does lead the league in a stat called A.T. (almost tackles). No one is better at the almost tackle than ol' Ray. Troy Polamalu is second. The entire Jets team is tied for third. Anyway, prepare for roughly 1,000 close ups of Lewis screaming at his teammates and most likely openly weeping after Baltimore wins this game. In other words, just like every Ravens game for the last 17 years. Hooray for us all.

Part of me thinks the Colts can win this game because Andrew Luck is already better than Joe Flacco. However, he's got a long way to go to match his eyebrow prowess, or eyebrowess as I call it. I'm taking the points, but I think Baltimore advances by an eyelas- I mean eyebrow hair. T.Y. Hilton will score a TD in this game or his name isn't T.Y. Hilton.
Ravens 23 Indy 20

Green Bay -7.5 over Minnesota 

Betting against this man is unwise.
Let's face it, this is really A.P. vs. Rodgers. They may as well clear everyone off the field and just let these guys go one-on-one. I'm not sure how that would work in football. Peterson would first run over Rodgers, then Rodgers would get up and throw a football as far as he could to no one. Riveting television. It's a good thing I'm not allowed to make up the rules.

I love Peterson, and he is the MVP hands-down, but you can't take Christian Ponder on the road and I mean that literally. He gets home-sick and calls his mommy and insists on taking his blanky with him everywhere. It's sorta cute. Plus, the Packers have all four of their starting receivers back, and they seem to have found a real-life running back in Dujuan Harris. And let's not forget about that frozen tundra. That's worth a touchdown against the spread in January.
Green Bay 34 Minnesota 20

Houston -4.5 over Cincy 
Ahh, here's the one game in four that's not really must-see TV and it's tucked away nicely on Saturday afternoon, like it's saying, "don't look at me, nothing to see here!"

Marvin Lewis, instilling confindence.
Houston's been stumbling down the stretch, while Cincy's been surging behind a defense that has quietly been one of the best in the league. J.J. Watt, Andre Johnson and Arian Foster are too damn good to lose this game. Also, betting on Marvin Lewis in a big game is just not a good idea. Even he can't believe he's still coaching the Bengals.
Texans 27 Bengals 13

Washington +3 over Seattle
Who will be the next Mark Sanchez? Dare to dream, fellas.
RG3 vs. lil' Russell Wilson is easily the best game of the weekend. Wilson's 100 QB rating would be a rookie record, if not for Griffin, who's at 102.4. Interestingly, the last rookie to win two playoff games in a season is Mark Sanchez. Just thought I'd mention that for no reason. Sanchez' NFL career is over, but his Saskatchewan Roughriders career is just getting started! Seattle looks like an unstoppable train and everyone loves them as a Super Bowl dark horse, but they struggled to beat a crappy Rams team at home last week. Wilson was also sacked 6 times. Sometimes teams peak too soon.

Seattle's weakness is their O-line and Washington will blitz the hell out of them this week, just like they did Romo last week. Wilson is roughly 200 times more elusive than Romo, but he also is not the same QB on the road (8 interceptions). If Griffin were healthy I think Washington wins, but he's not, so Seattle squeaks this one out in what should be a great game and moves on to Atlanta next week.
Seahawks 24 Skins 23.

Bonus National Title Game Pick:
Notre Dame +9 over Alabama
Two great defenses could lead to one of the least entertaining National Title games since, well, last year when 'Bama and LSU held that field goal suck-fest that everyone has tried to erase from their memories. It's a shame because there really have not been any good BCS games yet. Thanks again, BCS! At least we get to see Johnny Football vs. the Sooners tonight in a game that means nothing. I digress. I think the Irish have just enough to hang around and keep this game close..notice I said "close" and not "interesting." Bring on the playoff system please.
'Bama 16 N.D. 14

Overall record: 90-85-3

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