Friday, September 16, 2011

Welcome to Dave's Deep Dish! Wear a helmet, it's raining truth bombs.

Greetings to everyone out there on the Interwebs. Even though the Internet is merely a series of tubes that acts not unlike a toxic waste site holding the wretched refuse of our country’s most horrifying hopes and dreams, I do hope you continue to read this blog, for it will entertain you in ways you cannot imagine. And you can’t imagine them, because frankly I haven’t thought of them yet (get off my back, this is my first post and you’re not the boss of me). 

This has nothing to do with the article, it's just a good movie
Anyway, if there are two things we all know the world needs more of it is blogs and lawyers. I’m just kidding, we only really need more lawyers. Yet I will go on, and do my best with this experiment, despite your derision. That’s right, I see you rolling your eyes and it does not become you. Like a team that uses the “nobody believed in us” mantra to will themselves to a title, I will change the “us” to “me” (since I have professional editing experience, don’t try this at home) and voila, there is my motivation. The fact that you don’t actually not believe in me is irrelevant. As a famous Italian actor I can’t recall once said, “the point is moo.”

Mr. Met has been naughty, but prolific.
Here are just a few things you can look for in this blog:
  • Lots of sports, particularly Mets and Jets info and opinions. Mostly just opinions, but I shall support those opinions with cold hard facts. Do not attempt to fact-check these facts either, as that is known in the blog business as being a complete buzz kill. Also expect some heartfelt whining at no extra charge.
  • Relentless criticizing of sports announcers. Mostly because I’m jealous of them. From the subtle fakeness of Joe Buck and Jim Nantz to the eye-gouge inducing absurdity of Chris Berman, there are always announcers to make fun of, it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
  • Sadly, this band didn't know what they had
     until it was gone.
  • Music reviews. Not to brag, but I have outstanding taste in music, ask anyone that has been thoroughly rocked the hell out by one of my juke box play lists in the many bars across L.A. You know how it is when you put a good rock block together? The noise in the bar picks up, people start tapping their feet, and nodding their heads. Everyone starts kind of looking around like, “hey, who put on these last three killer tunes? Not many people would go from Toots and the Maytals to Cinderella to Spoon, but this guy just pulled it off, the progression works and our lives are all better for it!” So expect to be enlightened.
  • Movies and television…the fall season is upon us. Should you watch Up All Night with Wil Arnett or Ringer with Sarah Michelle Gellar? Hint: (both, silly!). These are questions you can’t answer on your own. It’s not safe. And if you prefer shows like “America’s Got Talent” I will explain to you why you’re what’s wrong with America. As for movies..well, this Straw Dogs thing looks interesting, doesn’t it? I guarantee this kind of cinematic insight on a bi-weekly basis, at least.
  • My sports bet of the week. As my bookie will happily tell you, I’ve enriched his life through my betting techniques. He has learned stuff from me! Such as, “I wonder if Dave’s losses will allow me to put in a Jacuzzi this year?” Of course they will! But don’t worry, this just means that I am so totally due, and you will reap the rewards.
That’s all for now, please keep reading, and yes, ad space is available (but selling up fast!) Cheers!


P.S. – I almost forgot there will be reviews of pizza from the around world – mostly for legal reasons so that the title of this site is not confused with a porn site, but also because I love pizza and could eat it everyday for the rest of my life.

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