Here at the Deep Dish we again take you behind the velvet ropes for a glimpse at how movies get made. This time we visit the pitch meeting for Taken 2 (in theatres now!). How exactly can Liam Neesen get mixed up in more international intrigue? How could another kidnapping possibly be made believable (hint: it can't!)? Luckily, our fiber-optic recording devices, which are no more improbable than the plot of this movie, have allowed us to listen in as director Olivier Megaton (yes, that's his name) meets with his producers.
Producer: I gotta be honest, I'm onboard with this, and I don't even need to hear the plot. "Taken 2" is all I need to hear!Megaton: Ha-ha, you know it, my babies! Here's a quick plot summary: Instead of the daughter getting kidnapped, this time it'll be the ex-wife. Totally different ramifications!
Asst. Producer: I was wondering about the title. Is it catchy enough? How about "Re-Taken" or "Twice Taken" or wait for it...."The Double Take"?
Producer : I thought I told you not to talk.
Megaton: The real star of this movie will be Istanbul. I mean, what a city! So many gorgeous buildings for me to blow up.
Producer: It will be important to have more
scenes where Neeson's character says "listen to me very carefully...". That's what the people love.
Megaton: I've figured out a way to use that 19 times in this movie. One supporting character will be hard of hearing, so Neeson will keep saying that line to him, and then he'll explain his particular set of skills every single time! The audience will be saying it aloud with him by the end!
Megaton: How many people would you like Neeson to kill in this movie? Right now it's at about 52, but I can certainly make it more. He also breaks 12 bones per minute, which is the highest ratio since Segal's classic "Hard to Kill."
Asst. Producer: Wouldn't the Turkish authorities have a big problem with 52 dead people in Instanbul in a span of 1 day? That's like a catastrophic event.
Megaton: You really are an idiot, aren't you?
Asst. Producer: Also, even though Maggie Grace is 29, her character is apparently still in college without a driver's license?
Producer: Seriously, you are this close to being fired.
Megaton: Okay, sounds like we're good to go here...now let's start talking about my idea for The Grey 2: Greyer than Grey. We open on him sleeping in a cave underneath a wolf-skin blanket, a light snow is falling, a hawk cries out in the distance ...