Saturday, December 31, 2011

NFL Week 17 Picks! Plus, Blog post of the year

Santiago Casilla: AKA, the Human Rain Delay
Since the end of the year is all about airing re-runs, I thought I would link to my favorite blog post of the year: How Santiago Casilla Ruined My ESPN Streak for the Cash, which happened to win Fan Post of the Year on the San Francisco Giants blog, McCovey Chronicles. That's right, you are now reading an award-winning blogger! The post is a retelling of what's known as the classic "bad beat" in gambling, and it's also a testament to how wagering on a game (even with no money involved) makes it infinitely more interesting. It's a lesson for the kids out there. Speaking of wagering, let's get to the picks:

Tampa Bay +11.5 at Atlanta
Good God, Tampa is horrible. They've lost 9 straight and lost their last four by a combined 94 points. That's what's known as coming to the wire like a thouroughbred. I'm sure they will totally try for their last game. Atlanta 31 Tampa 10 
"This playbook, it's hilarious, come check it out!"

San Fran -10.5 at St. Louis
A perfect storm for a blowout here, as St. Louis has nothing but draft postioning to play for and the Niners are playing for a first round bye. 49ers 30 St. Louis 13

Minnesota -1.5 vs. Chicago 
In a word...blechhhhh. Vikings 20 Bears 17.

Broncos -3 vs. K.C.
Wow, this line is really low considering the Chiefs have nothing to play for. The Tebow bandwagon has plenty of empty seats once again. You might say Buffalo smoted him last week. Or did they smite him? I never know what tense to use on that word. But, as I predicted, his comeuppance was right around the corner, and it was kind of delightful to watch. Now Kyle Orton is poised to deliver the ultimate revenge by knocking the Broncos out of the playoffs. If this were a movie, who is really the hero? The QB who was cut and banished off to another city, only to return; or the golden child QB everyone loves, but who is also possibly a fraud of a QB. I'm going with the upset. Chiefs 23 Broncos 20

Giants -3 vs. Dallas

Romo may play with oven mitts on Sunday.

The game of the week. It's a shame one of these teams will win, because it feels like both should lose somehow.Tony Romo's hand is pretty banged up, it looks like he has one of those Hamburger Helper type of hands. His professional hand modeling career is in jeopardy. It's also safe to say he's not "master of his domain." Meanwhile, the Giants are wishing they could play against Mark Sanchez every week. Giants 28 Dallas 24.

Jets +3 at Miami
Here lie the 2011 Jets. Their time on earth was short, but also painful. Like other Jet teams past they infuriated and tortured their fans, but also teased them by providing false hope. To their credit, they did find new and innovative ways to disappoint, including giving up 99 yard touchdowns and losing to Tim Tebow. Also, they refused to ever use their most explosive player Joe McKnight because their offensive coordinator is a dolt. They won't be missed by many. Miami 27 Jets 17

New England -10.5 vs. Buffalo
It seems like years ago, but the Bills actually beat New England in week 5 of the season. They should have just quit playing after that game, and walked off into the sunset. Sure it would have been confusing, but it also would have been MYSTERIOUS. Even Toronto doesn't want this team anymore, they've asked for a pony instead. New England 33 Buffalo 20

John Beck, supposed NFL QB/janitor.
Washington +8.5 at Philly
The poor Eagles, they just showed up a little late to the party this year. You have to sympathize, but then you remember that Eagles fans are also Phillies fans, so screw em. The Redskins most likely regret giving 4 starts in the middle of the year to John Beck, who as it turns out, was a janitor employed by the team. It was a classic paperwork mishap the Redskins are famous for.
Philly 28 Wash 14

San Diego +3 at Oakland
If Norv Turner isn't fired immediately after the end of this game he must have some incriminating photos of the San Diego owners. There's no other explanation. Oakland 28 San Diego 20

Jacksonville -3.5 vs. Indy
"Hey, did you hear about this?
 Jay Leno is a no-talent, backstabbing, ass clown."
They aren't really bothering to play this game are they? Let's just assume it's a sick joke and doesn't exist. That's what I do with Jay Leno. Jags 21 Colts 12

Arizona -3 vs. Seattle
Someone should really call the United Nations, these last two games are a crime against humanity. Arizona 16 Seattle 14.

New Orleans -8 vs. Carolina
Cam Newton is wrapping up one of the best seasons ever for a rookie QB, while Drew Brees is wrapping up one of the best season's ever, period. Just sit back and enjoy this one. Saints 34 Carolina 31.

Tennessee -1.5 at Houston
So the Tennessee Titans are going to be in the playoffs with a win? With Chris Johnson taking half of the year off and killing fantasy teams everywhere? And with their best wide receiver being hurt? Really? Seriously, my Jets couldn't be better than even this team? I guess the lesson is, don't try. Titans 26 Texans 21

Happy New Year Everyone!
Overall record: 99-74-8
Last week: 7-5-1

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