15 Questions That Should Be Asked on Super Bowl Media Day

Today is the official Media Day at the Super Bowl. Lots of inane, pedantic questions will be asked of every player and coach in a circus like atmosphere. So, I thought it would be a great idea to ask fifteen questions of my own that would surely be more interesting than anything being asked today:

This picture needs some answers.

1) To Tom Brady: Please explain the picture to the left? What grown man rides a waterslide like that?

2) To Rob Gronkowski: Just curious, what are your preferred masking agents for the steroids you clearly use? (Since he is a meathead, this probing question may trip him up).

3) To Bill Belichick: According to your Wikipedia page you are the personification of all evil in the world... is that a lot of pressure to live up to? Follow up question, what's your preferred title: Lucifer, Satan, or Beelzebub?

4) To 'lil Wes Welker: What are your top 5 favorite bridges in the world...to live under?

5) To Chad Ochocinco: Are you sure you are still on the team? No, seriously, can we see some credentials?

Coach Coughlin contemplates murderizing another one of his players.

6) To Tom Coughlin: Your head tends to get extremely red during games...are you worried this may someday happen?

7) To Giants punter Steve Weatherford: Last year with the Jets you averaged 42 yards a punt. This year with the Giants you averaged 46 yards a punt...As a Jet fan I have to ask, what the hell is up with that, jerk?

8) To Eli Manning: What advice and pointers do you give to your less successful older brother? 

9) To Giants center Kevin Boothe: Are you often asked to "back that thang up"? 

10) To Brandon Jacobs: You tend to celebrate a lot of 1 and 2 and no-yard gains that you get. What would you do if you ever got a first down? Retire?

11) To Giants safety Kenny Phillips: I see you attended the University of Miami...was it tough to deal with the pay cut of playing in the NFL?

325 pounds? Not bloody likely.

12) To Giants WR Victor Cruz: The last Giants wide receiver that was a playoff and super bowl hero shot himself in the leg. What will you do to top that? Chop off an appendage?

13) To Patriots RB Danny Woodhead: Is it true you also star as the midget on Game of Thrones?  

14) To Patriots nose tackle Vince Wilfork: You are listed as 325 pounds...why do you fill this stadium with lies?

15) To Patriot RB Kevin Faulk: Wow, you are still in the league? What was it like playing with Red Grange?