Thursday, October 20, 2011

Casting the Gaddafi Movie

Gaddafi in his most intellectual pose.
Is it too soon to start casting "The Gaddafi Story"? Perhaps, but I don't think he's quite going to get the reverential Steve Jobs treatment. He invented no apps whatsoever. Sure, that's way down on the list of his sins, but still, what a jerk. There's really only a handful of actors with the combined acting skills and sheer unattractiveness to properly play this role. Let's take a look at the pros and cons of the top candidates:

Is my name Edwin or Edward? You decide!
Edward James Olmos
Pros: Just look at the man. He's a dead ringer for the Gadfly (as his friends called him, true story). Plus, he's got that low guttural delivery that provides instant gravitas. 
Cons: Lieutenant Castillo from Miami Vice fame hasn't really been in a lot lately, has he? When his agent gets a call about a role for him he says, "Really? Are you sure?" Then he gets out of his office/car and celebrates. But with a recent roll in Dexter and Battlestar Galactica, Olmos is at least catching more roles than Crockett and Tubbs lately.
Fun fact: Up until a few minutes ago, I thought his name was Edwin not Edward. That's on me.

Santana could be "so smooth" in this role. Sorry.
Carlos Santana
Pros: The famous guitarist is no stranger to acting. Remember how he acted like Rob Thomas was a real musician in that annoying duet they had? So believable. Warning, do not start to think of that riff, it will ruin your day...."Man, it's a hot one, like seven inches from the midday sun...". Sorry.
According to IMDB, he also played a character named El Fuego on Burn Notice. Of course he did. That's the kind of experience we're looking for here. Also, if we wanted to make "The Gaddafi Story" into a fun-loving musical, he may be our guy. He could bust out the guitar after every execution and bam, the party's on!
Cons: No offense to Burn Notice, but basic cable isn't going to cut it here.
Fun fact: Also plays catcher for the Cleveland Indians. What range!

Tommy Lee Jones will find you, he's got the free time.
  Tommy Lee Jones 
Pros: He's fallen on some hard times, reduced to doing commercials lately, but check him out here, the talent is still undeniable. I mean he downs that little Japanese coffee drink like a boss. I just bought a case of that stuff, I was so moved. Whether we like it or not, he'll find this role by searching every outhouse, doghouse, cathouse, hen-house, know the drill.  
Cons: This would ruin Jones' streak of playing a Federal agent or Marshall in 39 straight movies. You can't really mess with that streak. 
Fun fact: Has never been in my kitchen.

"I'm not only the skin-graft president, I'm also a client!"
Mickey Rourke
Pros: There is no way in hell Mickey Rourke turns down this role. Plus, there is no need for make-up on this one, the skin grafting similarities are downright scary. And you know Rourke would throw himself into the roll in classic Method style. He'd move to Tripoli for a year prior to shooting and live on nothing but goat milk and peyote.
Cons: There's a 90 percent chance he goes crazy and actually starts to think he is Gaddafi.
Fun fact: His dream role is the lead in "The Gary Busey Story".

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