Thursday, October 27, 2011

Week 8 NFL PICKS! Jamaica Dub Version

It'll be a short post this week, as the Deep Dish is going on a much needed vacation/press trip to Jamaica. I promise to bring back some of the country's finest exports... I meant coffee, you stoners.

Another pass destined for the turf.
Baltimore -13.5 vs. Arizona 
Anyone who sat through the Baltimore-Jacksonville game would and should be shocked at this point spread. Joe Flacco would be a great QB if the goal of football was to throw the ball where no one else can find it. He's playing football Hide and Seek. He's a Houdini out there. Arizona is quite bad, but should be able to cover this line even if they get shutout. Baltimore 16 - Arizona 12

Cleveland +9.5 at San Francisco
Last week's Browns-Seahawks "game" set professional football back many years. Welcome to the 1930s everybody, pass the soup! Everyone who witnessed the "game" instantly went home and cried in the shower. The NFL has wisely confiscated all recordings of it and erased it. Don't look for highlights, they no longer exist. 49ers 20 Browns 9

New England -2.5 at Pittsburgh
Like always, Tom Brady spent his bye week at his secluded baby goat farm high in the Andes Mountains. The question remains will he be able to re-acclimate to sea level conditions? Similarly, Bill Belichick spent his bye week at his favorite retreat - the seventh rung of hell with all his minions. Though both men will surely be refreshed, look for Pittsburgh to pull off the mini-upset here. Steelers 27 - Pats 24.
Did Tom Brady take advantage of these mountain goats during the bye week? Almost certainly.

Detroit -3 at Denver
Easiest game on the board. Yes, St. Timothy of Assisi did pull off his first miracle last week. But everyone knows, when a future saint pulls off a miracle, he usually takes about a month before performing his next one. Miracles can be exhausting. Detroit 31 Denver 20 (lock of the week)

Miami +9.5 at NYG
Though the Dolphins collapsed in historic fashion last week, higher powers were at work, so we'll give them a pass. This pt. spread is the same as the Giants had against Seattle a few weeks ago when they lost outright, so beware. Eli Manning can't be trusted as a big favorite, because he truly enjoys throwing interceptions and making whiny faces at the camera. Giants 24 Miami 17

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